


That Was the River, This is the Sea:  Sanditon Season 2

by AliciaDeerwater16



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen, Welcome to Sanditon
Genre: F/M, Gen, HEA, Resolution, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sanditon PBS, alternative ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliciaDeerwater16/pseuds/AliciaDeerwater16
Summary: After Season 1 Epidsode 8, Charlotte heads home, and Sidney heads to the altar to marry Mrs. Campion.  Time flows on.  Our characters are reunited in a surprise encounter some four years later.  Can they put the past behind to create a future together?
Comments: 163
Kudos: 391





	1. Chapter 1

That Was the River, This is the Sea: Sanditon Season 2

Ch. 1

Sidney Parker chuckled ruefully and looked out the carriage window. He’d forgotten how overbearing Mr. Crowe could be when sober . . .an infrequent event, and yet it seemed like the shooting party scheduled for this morning was such an occasion. Crowe’s elder brother, heir to the estate, and his rather energetic wife, had graciously extended the invitation to Sidney when Crowe had insisted he needed a more proficient shooting partner. Sidney was recently returned from Antigua, and was happy for the distraction of the shooting party. He was not overly eager to return to London nor to Sanditon and so the invitation was the perfect excuse to delay and to spend time with the recently neglected Mr. Crowe. Mr. Crowe, in turn, was taking full advantage of his friend Sidney’s return and evident guilty conscience to strong arm him into a variety of drinking and sporting events where Crowe had recently keenly felt the loss of his married and/or distant friends. Sidney was therefore amused to see Mr. Crowe fully invested in sobriety in the interest of beating all other shooting pairs at the event. His chuckle came at his friend’s insistence that they be early to scout the competition. Mr. Crowe was seldom early to anything, regardless of sobriety.

As their carriage left them in front of the estate house, the two men were briefly separated. Mr. Parker was detained by his hosts and by other figures of London society who he’d known because of his marriage to Eliza and hadn’t seen since his departure to Antigua, or perhaps since her untimely passing. Everyone being used to the idiosyncrasies and dubious sobriety of Mr. Crowe allowed this gentleman to slip away to the staging area for the shoot. Mr. Sidney Parker made his best efforts at gallantry and being civil to those who wanted a glimpse of or a word with the elusive Mr. Parker, but he eventually made his quite deliberate excuses and went off in search of his partner.

Sidney could see Crowe in conversation with two other contestants in the shooting event. Crowe obviously had collected the firearms, but was fully distracted by his companions and didn’t mark Sidney’s arrival. Crowe had thrown his head back in genuine full throated laughter when Sidney joined the group. “Well, does this mean you’ve found someone with a flask, my friend?” 

Crowe turned around and gestured Sidney into the group. Indeed a flask had been offered by an older gentleman to Crowe, who was wiping away tears of laughter as he lifted the flask, but the early morning drinkers were not what drew Sidney’s attention. Standing next to the older man, the fourth person in the party was turning away from where she had just placed her rifle. She still had a grin on her face from whatever joke had generated such mirth for Crowe. Her dimples framed the full lipped smile which could just be seen from under her clever black cap, which sat atop chesnut curls tucked up in a becoming fashion. Sidney had just a moment to collect himself and to steel his expression before Crowe pulled him forward. “Captain Heywood, Mrs. Philips, allow me to introduce my shooting partner for this morning. Since you, Heywood, have stolen my preferred comrade in arms, I have found a secret weapon who will help me finally best the two of you at this event - Mr. Sidney Parker.”  
Sidney didn’t dare look at the young lady in the group; he extended his hand to Captain Heywood, who had a strong grip and greeted him warmly. “Good luck today Mr. Parker. Mr. Crowe has been trying to outshoot my niece and I for, oh, three years now? Perhaps you will finally bring him victory, though I doubt it.” Sidney smiled gamely, then took a deep breath and turned to the young lady, Captain Heywood’s niece.  
Her dimpled grin had vanished, and the lively color had faded from her cheeks, but she resolutely looked into his face as she nodded her greeting. “But Mr. Crowe, you forget. Mr. Parker and I have already met. We knew each other some four years ago at Sanditon. Nice to see you again Mr. Parker. Good luck with the shooting.”  
Sidney sketched a quick bow, “Mrs. Philips. My pleasure.” He glanced everywhere but at her. Mrs. Philips who he knew as Miss Charlotte Heywood looked extremely well - indeed no different from four years ago. How did she come to be here? Who/Where was Mr. Philips? Sidney was a bit flustered by her apparent composure and hoped that his own racing heart was not noticeable. His eye snagged on Mr. Crowe’s oddly assessing look. “Mr. Crowe, shall we find our spots?”  
Mr. Crowe handed the flask back to Captain Heywood with a quick grin. “Well, Captain, Mrs. Philips. Are you ready to meet defeat? Shall we change our wager now that you’ve seen the competition?”  
Captain Heywood met the grin and looked at both young men, while throwing an arm around Charlotte’s shoulders. “No need to change the wager, sir. I’ve never seen your Mr. Parker shoot, but I have watched my niece since she was a wee lass. I’ve got the ringer.”

“Indeed you have. Wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Parker?” agreed Mr. Crowe as he nodded amiably to Charlotte and turned to lead his friend away. “We’ll count birds at the end and hopefully this year it will be I who comes out one ahead. Come along Sidney - tell me you at least held a gun while in Antigua?”

Sidney raised his eyes to find Charlotte’s gaze fixed on him. Her brow was wrinkled as she contemplated his expression. When their eyes met, she held his stare for a moment, then turned to her uncle who was handing her a rifle. Her attention moved on and there was an air of dismissal in the set of her shoulders. Sidney could do nothing but follow Crowe off down the line to take their position.

Mr. Crowe was jovial with the few other pairs of shooters on the line. As Sidney reached their position, Crowe turned to him with a rifle and regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “I’d thought your presence might rattle her, giving me a better chance at victory, but I fear my plan has backfired a bit. You alright old chap?”

Sidney didn’t look at his friend as he prepared for the shooting. “Quite. As for rattling, well . . .Miss Heywood . . . I wasn’t aware you knew Mrs. Philips.” Sidney stared off across the field and appeared nonplussed, though inside questions were roiling through his mind.

“Mrs. Philips and I see each other when I’m here visiting my brother. She and my brother’s wife have a particular friendship. Captain Philips, you see, was a much beloved younger brother, it would seem. Now, focus please. We still do have a chance here - she is a magnificent shooter, but if your pale face is any indication, her equanimity may also be affected. I need you to be that cold focused man I know and rely on . . . steady on. “

There was nothing for it but to turn to the shoot - birds were being released. Putting her out of his mind proved near impossible, however, as her red jacket was visible in his peripheral vision, and there was a smattering of clapping each time her team dropped a bird. It seemed she and her uncle were favorites among the few guests and spectators. Mr. Crowe and Mr. Parker soon were able to focus on the task at hand and found a shooting rhythm. The gameskeeper called a break and Crowe turned to Sidney with a grin. “Well done, you. Switzerland? Antigua? Where have you been keeping up your skills? Or is it simply in a gentleman’s blood? And sorry about the shock of the competition. Perhaps I didn’t think that one through enough. Drink?” And Crowe headed off to the refreshments table. Sidney followed with some small apprehension, not quite sure he was ready to face Mrs. Philips at the punch bowl. 

She was nowhere to be seen, however , yet her uncle proved to be quite jovial. “Mr. Parker. Where did Mr. Crowe find you? You seem to know your way around a shoot.”  
“Mr. Crowe and I are old friends, sir. I’ve been away for some time and it was kind of him to see me included in this event. And your partner, sir? I’ve rarely seen a woman shoot, and for Mrs. Philips to be so proficient is quite a singular thing, don’t you find?”  
“My niece is quite singular, as it were. My brother’s a country gentleman. Overly well read, interesting ideas on child-rearing, the natural child, Rousseau, and whatnot. She was his second child, first daughter. He just raised her with the expectations of the two other children at the time - both boys. Cricket, fishing, shooting, larks, all that comes with country village living . . .shooting is quite her thing. Then Captain Philips taught her a bit of sailing. . .sorry, I’m rambling in my pride . . .but you knew my niece before?”  
Sidney recounted for Captain Heywood an abridged account of Charlotte’s participation in the cricket event some four years prior, not elaborating beyond on how he came to know her, merely her not insignificant part in the victory. 

“We’ll chat further about your travels after the shooting . . . must get back to it” Captain Heywood nodded to Sidney and headed back towards Charlotte who’d just appeared and smiled towards her uncle, pointedly not looking at Mr. Parker. Sidney swallowed hard. How could four years feel like both a lifetime and just a short minute? How could she still be the same, and yet their circumstances be so different? He resolved to sit Crowe down with a bottle and dredge out whatever he might know.

Mrs. Philips for her part missed nothing about Mr. Parker. She watched her uncle laugh with him over something during the break. She noted his darker skin tone, and guessed he’d only recently returned from Antigua. He was thinner. He’d been smiling to her uncle, but she could tell he was on his guard. “What was Mr. Parker telling you that was so amusing sir” she asked her uncle. “Aw, Charlotte, cricket at Sanditon. He remembers you and your Willingdon ways quite well.”  
“Yes, cricket in Sanditon was an event to be sure. That was the summer before I went to stay with you and Aunt to help with young Nathaniel. . . I thought you might be sharing anecdotes about the West Indies. ”  
“He’d said he’d been away. Not a military fellow?“  
“He used to be in sugar, I believe. Maybe coffee? In Antigua as I recall” Charlotte was feeling cagey trying to get her uncle to provide details about Sidney. She lifted her rifle to her shoulder to move the conversation away. “Ready sir.”

By mid morning the shooting was done. It had grown into a warm fall day and everyone was ready to return to the house for a later luncheon. Crowe handed his rifle to the gameskeeper assistant and turned to Sidney with a sigh. “Damn that Heywood!” Sidney had to assume he meant the captain . . .though with Crowe one could never be sure, and he was smiling in Charlotte’s direction as she headed away from them with a victorious salute.

Crowe had somehow procured a bottle from somewhere and gestured for Sidney to sit. “I need to tell you how the luncheon will go. I don’t want to test our renewed friendship with another uncomfortable surprise.” Sidney accepted the bottle and a seat on a bench nearby. Crowe seemed oddly uncomfortable. “Ahem. Well, you see, my brother’s wife needs to fill her time. She is quite a, er, busybody and likes to be in everyone’s business. Mrs. Philips and I will be seated together, that’s a certainty, and you’ll be off down the table. My sister in law likes to imagine herself a matchmaker, you see.”  
Sidney was beginning to feel equally uncomfortable. “To what end? Captain Philips?”  
“Oh, yes, I’ve started in the middle and muddled this. Umm. Deceased.Two years about? Mrs. Philips is a widow.”  
“I see. And then are you? Matched? By your sister-in-law?”  
Crowe took a long drink. “No, see that’s the thing. I want you to understand what’s going to happen. We’re, well, we’re decoys for each the other. I’ve no interest in being matched as you say. You know me. Confirmed bachelor, rake, rogue, drunk, and the lot. And Mrs. Philips says she too is done with us, with, er, men, husbands, the like. She doesn’t want or need to marry again. I deter other suitors for her and she for me . . .for my sister-in-law . . .she loved her brother, and loves Charlotte . ..” Crowe trailed off as he watched Sidney’s face, which though usually quite expressionless, was going through a series of emotions as Crowe related all his information out of order.  
“Why are you telling me this?” Sidney affected nonchalance as he watched his friend take another long swig.

“We’ve never done this, you and I. It’s not who I am. Or who you are. I don’t care about emotions and love and marriage. But, Babs filled me in on a bit when you were away. I know there had been something there at some time between you and Mrs. Philips. She’s even said a thing or two.” Another swig before Crowe went on, “What you think you see, this afternoon, she and I . . .we’re just. . .we’re playacting. It means nothing. It’s for show.”  
Sidney took a moment to compose himself. Crowe and Charlotte. Two years. Charlotte’s a widow. Charlotte was done with husbands. Charlotte had said a thing or two . ..”None of it matters to me. Four years is a long time. She’d be the making of you. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, and she’s a great shot. Your sister-in-law might be right.” Sidney got up to return to the manor house.  
“It’s not like that, I assure you.” Crowe asserted and stood to join his friend. The two gentlemen headed to the house, one trying to convince himself the conversation was closed, the other knowing he’d have to answer far more questions later.

Crowe’s brother and wife were excellent hosts and the luncheon was truly a pleasure to attend. Despite his misgivings, the guests and event were diverting enough to make Sidney forget his discomfort from earlier. There were plenty of distractions in the company and the cuisine to keep him pleasantly occupied. He couldn’t help but watch his friend and Mrs. Philips at the other end of the table. He was amused to watch Mr. Crowe play the gallant and offer his arm to Charlotte, and then pull her chair out for her, all the while she was teasing about besting him at shooting. Sidney couldn’t help but genuinely smile when he learned that Charlotte had won five pounds off his friend Crowe. They obviously had been thrown together much and were comfortable together. If what Crowe said were true, they were convincing despite the claim of being two disinterested parties. Crowe so engaged and self-depracating, Charlotte so lovely and funny.

Sidney tried to ignore the odd pangs of envy and curiosity about this strange turn of events. He turned to listen attentively to his luncheon partner Mrs. Crowe who was, as described by her brother in law, overly curious about himself and his marriage status and his recent travels . He tried to direct her conversation to others at the table. He learned it was a short distance to the small harbor town, XXX, where Captain Heywood and Mrs. Philips resided, as well as many of the other guests. He learned Captain Philips had risen at a young age to his rank largely thanks to the mentorship of Captain Heywood, but also, Sidney surmised, from a generous financial commission from his doting sister. She said two things had saved her brother from the life of a dissolute - the navy and Charlotte. 

Sidney was also happy to meet again with Captain Heywood. He was retired from the navy, but had travelled extensively and was an engaging conversation partner. They reminisced about the lovely clear waters of the Caribbean. The Captain learned Sidney had just liquidated all his holdings in Antigua and was trying to decide what to do next. Captain Heywood was done travelling for his part, and was happily settled in XXX with his younger wife and his son. He was happy to have Charlotte/Mrs. Philiips nearby and considered her like a daughter, especially as she seemed to be quite connected to Captain Heywood’s young son. 

When it came time to leave, it was natural for Sidney to walk out to the carriage with Captain Heywood as they were still amiably engaged in conversation. He invited Sidney to visit he and his wife, and shook his hand as he stepped up into the carriage.  
“Goodbye Mr. Parker” Charlotte said softly behind him as she moved to follow her uncle.  
“Mrs. Philips” he took her hand and helped her into the carriage. The shock of simply touching her hand sent a shiver through him. How silly to feel like a school boy in her presence.  
“Come visit Parker before you go back to London or wherever you’re bound next!”  
And off they went, Sidney and Mrs. Philips both wondering how long he would be with the Crowes.


	2. CH. 2

Ch. 2

Sidney looked up from his newspaper and coffee in the breakfast salon as a very rumpled and worse for the wear Mr. Crowe appeared before him, and held out, rather incongruously, an elegant bouquet of flowers.  
“Thank you? I didn’t think last night was quite so special, but thanks just the same?”  
“Blast it, fool, they’re not for you. They’re for Mrs. Philips. We’re expected there at 1 - my dear sister’s orders.”  
“Ah. We are expected? Or you are expected?”  
“My sister expects me to go. I expect you to accompany me, so I can at least get an hours sleep while you prattle on and do the social niceties in my stead.”  
“Fair enough. An hour. I can be pleasant for an hour.” Sidney tried to look neutral and unmoved, when the thought of seeing Charlotte again, and in her own home, did intrigue him.   
Crowe huffed at him and raised his eyebrows, not fooled for a second by his friend’s attempt at indifference. He settled himself next to Sidney and poured himself some coffee.  
Sidney passed him some kidneys and some eggs. “This may help. Anything else you need to tell me before the visit? You and she have any other secrets? She’s hiding a married woman for you in her kitchen?”  
“Ah. Now you’re seeing the possibilities of the situation. But hardly. I show up, she goes about her business, she’s wonderfully understanding of my indisposition, sometimes we have tea . . .The flowers, that’s new though.”   
Crowe managed to tidy himself up and looked a touch more presentable. True to his word he fell asleep as soon as their carriage rolled away and woke up only as it pulled up to an attractive stone house with a low wall around the curved drive to the entry. The house had a lovely perspective of the sea and gardens that appeared to extend to the rear and side of the house.  
They were greeted by a housekeeper who smiled as she recognized Crowe. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise as she saw Mr. Parker and his awkwardly held flowers. “Gentlemen. Mrs. Philips will be down in a moment. I’ll put tea on for you, Mr. Crowe.” She patted his arm as she gestured them into a sitting room near the front of the house.   
“Thanks Mrs. Brook. None of the lads about today?”  
“Quiet today, sir. Young Nathaniel is with the Captain and Caleb will be here next week. You’ll get some rest I think. Shall I send Mr. Brook for the horses?”  
Crowe nodded, thanked her, and headed into the sitting room. He made himself comfortable on an overstuffed chair near a window and was soon fast asleep again.  
Sidney was left to wander about the room, still clutching the flowers. The windows looked out at the sea in the distance. There were doors that opened to a side garden. There was a pianoforte covered with what appeared to be knot tying practice. Sidney laughed to himself recalling his accusation of how Charlotte spent her time with the piano and needlepoint. Knots, shooting, and cricket he mused. How he’d misjudged her. He was drawn to the bookshelves and glanced through the titles. He was surprised to see the eclectic mixture of interests reflected in the collection. A few novels, one or two volumes on estate management, several books on architecture, but most of the titles dealt with botany and sea life. The shelves near the books reflected this interest and were covered with neatly labeled sea shells and other bits of ocean life - coral, sea stars, urchins.   
A quiet voice behind him said “Initially I thought it was just Sanditon that was magic, but I’ve come to understand that it’s the ocean really that draws me. I’m always looking for new shells and specimens.” Charlotte was just inside the door observing him. How long she’d stood there watching him examine her belongings he couldn’t guess. She didn’t seem troubled by the intrusion - her smile was shyly proud and welcoming.  
“Sanditon was magic,” Sidney’s eyes met hers and held.   
The brief moment was broken by Mrs. Brook entering with the tea things. Charlotte startled a bit, but gestured to have them set down away from where Crowe was snoring slightly in the chair.   
She thanked Mrs. Brook and turned back to Sidney. “Tea, Mr Parker?“   
Suddenly tongue tied, he managed to move to the seat near her and held out the bouquet which he was suddenly embarrassed to realize he was still holding.  
Charlotte looked at the flowers, then at him. She too seemed momentarily paralyzed. She shook herself quickly and accepted them with a small smile and a slight blush. “They’re lovely. Thank you.” She set them next to the tea things and moved to pour Sidney tea. As she handed him his cup, she suddenly looked at him, momentarily startled. “I’m sorry - I just assumed - do you still take it the same way?”   
“Ah. Assumptions.” He looked up at her and genuinely smiled. That she remembered how he took his tea touched him more than perhaps it warranted. “Thank you, yes, that’s perfect.” There was silence for a bit as they both adjusted to being in the same room and feeling old patterns swirl about them. “Ahem, we were mentioning Sanditon. Have you been back?”

Charlotte settled herself in her seat across from him, and glanced over at the snoring Mr. Crowe. “No. I never have. Mary, though, has come to visit here once or twice. And with the children. And you? I imagine you have been in Sanditon again?”  
Sidney looked at Charlotte. Her expression was open and curious. There was no recrimination in her eyes. “Yes, well, actually only twice, come to think on it. I’ve been away and will need to go there soon.” He looked at her again, and continued, “Let me see: You left Sanditon in August. There was a bit of business I needed to clear up, but then I left soon after. Mrs. Campion - er Eliza . . .” Syndney felt a bit lost as to how to proceed, but Charlotte prompted him  
“I believe you and Mrs. Parker married in September? Did you not settle in Sanditon after?”  
Sidney envied her poise - how could she be so composed? Was she not also unsettled by being thrown together again? He felt she had the advantage, knowing Eliza, knowing of the marriage, when he had no knowledge of Captain Phillips. Why had no one told him? He took a cue from her apparent calm and continued his story in a bid for normalcy.

“Yes. Exactly. Well, no. We went abroad, you see, after the wedding. Mrs. Campion - Mrs. Parker never was very fond of Sanditon and the society thing to do is to be away - the honeymoon. We were on the continent - France, Italy, Switzerland until December, as I recall. We came back for the winter season as was Eliza’s wish.” Sidney paused again and smiled at Charlotte. “Do you know I saw you that December when we came back? You were at the opera with Lady Worcster. In her box - I was surprised to see you. I remember that you weren’t overly fond of London. You were in a silver dress - “ He stopped immediately realizing he’d maybe said too much. She’d been dazzling that night. It’d been such a shock to see her. He’d tried not to stare, but that had been the last time he’d seen her until the day previously at the shoot. He took a quick glance at Charlotte, but she was looking out the windows.

“Yes, I was in London for a few weeks before Christmas that year. Lady Worcster was a kind hostess. And yes, I did see you at the opera. . .” Charlotte wouldn’t meet his eyes. She’d never looked at him that whole night he was sure. That she’d known he was there pained him - but he didn’t have time to reflect on those feelings before she continued on to different memories. “But you’re right. London is not quite to my taste. Though that visit was less eventful perhaps than my first visit. The places I visited were certainly more appropriate . . .lots of dress shops and the like” She returned her eyes to his with a smiling reference to their adventures in trying to rescue Miss Lambe.

“Quite. I imagine she’d be an excellent guide. The opera that night, all the holidays, and then I had to go to Sanditon in January. That was the last time I’ve been.” Sidney was trying to get himself back on safer ground and to bring the conversation back to Sanditon. He recalled that Eliza had been angry with him after the opera - she had remarked on his attention to Charlotte. When he had to go to Sanditon in January he thought her refusal to accompany him was ongoing pique with him and the association of Charlotte with Sanditon. It may have been a bit of spite, he mused, but then it became so much more. “Mrs. Campion - Mrs. Parker had no desire to see Sanditon in January. My duty was to make her happy and thus I didn’t insist. I went alone. “ He looked at Charlotte again realizing it had been her charge to make Eliza happy. She was listening intently.  
“ So while I was there in Sanditon it was resolved that Lord Babington would oversee the financial aspects of the rebuild. That suited the requirements of my life with Mrs. Parker and it certainly made Lady Denham happy. Tom could be managed by Babs and Lady D. And I would be less involved - the thought was I would come and go, consult when needed. But then, when I returned to London it became apparent that Eliza’s refusal to come to Sanditon was in fact based on the fact that she’d become ill. And Sanditon became secondary. The doctors suggested we try a cure in Switzerland. The alpine air, the fresh lakes. A simpler lifestyle away from unhealthy and bustling London. Also away from my family - no Arthur or Diana with their health obsessions and promised cures. No Mary with the children. They were all too much for her, so . . .By May she felt well enough to travel again. I spent the next year in Switzerland with her. Doing what the doctors wanted. But . . .it wasn’t what Eliza wanted. Simple was never her thing. Always elaborate. She wanted the glamour of being an invalid abroad, but not the seclusion. That first year her health varied. She’d be well and we’d travel about some - she wanted to be out and to be seen. Other times the illness kept her in bed. Eventually she got what she wanted. She brought the bustle of London to her. Her sister came. Her friends came and set up a London set right there in Switzerland. Over time I became quite superfluous. She was better cared for and fussed over by her set. I had loose ends that needed to be seen to in Antigua and so I went to tend to my investments. I was gone several months. While I was there, I got the news that Eliza had succumbed to the illness.” Sidney paused here, quite forgetting where he was, or to whom he was speaking. He stared out the windows at the sea in the distance. He hadn’t recounted these events to anyone before. He was trying to account for what happened next, even to himself. “I had planned to return to her, to return to Switzerland, or to wherever I was required to go. But then, the solicitors had cleared up everything I would’ve needed to, the Swiss are efficient in that way, and there was nothing in London that needed tending to - we’d closed up the house and taken care of our finances before Switzerland. So. . . I stayed. Away. I was in Antigua mostly. A bit of travel here and there in the Caribbean.”  
Charlotte’s quiet voice interrupted his reverie.  
“When did she pass away?”  
“I guess it’ll be two years ago late November. I learned of it some months afterwards. It took time for the news to reach me.”  
“And now you’re here in XXX. When did you return from Antigua?”  
“I returned just some ten days ago. I ‘ve been staying with Crowe in London. He’s been a good friend. One of the few connections that I maintained.” At mention of his name, Crowe snorted up and wiped a bit of drool from his chin. “I have avoided family thus far. I’ll need to go to Sanditon soon I imagine.”  
“You’ve not been in touch with anyone? Mary? Tom? Georgiana?” Charlotte’s tone was quiet and gentle and not accusatory .  
“Very little I’m embarrassed to say . . .Eliza’s situation demanded a lot of my attention, and being away and moving about made it hard for others to reach me. Then, of course, I’d not planned to be in Antigua for so long. I imagine Crowe and I will head back to London soon. I’m sure Diana and Arthur are at Bedford Place. I can stay with them before I go to Sanditon or continue on with Crowe in London.” At the second mention of his name, Crowe finally stretched and stood.

“Ah. Friends. Tea. Back to London you were saying? Not before I’ve had something to drink . . .Nothing stronger Mrs. Philips? Hmm, thanks my dear.” Crowe sat next to Mrs. Philips as she handed him a cup of tea.  
“It might be cold . . .you’ve gotten a good rest” she laughed at him.  
“Ermph” he drank it anyway with a slight grimace. “Restorative nonetheless. And you two. What have you decided? We’re off to London, are we Sidney? You’ve had enough of shooting and Mrs. Philips?”  
Before Sidney could manage an appropriate response, there was a flurry of barking as an energetic dog of indeterminate breed came running into the parlor from the back of the house. The dog headed straight to Charlotte who jumped up to pull the dog away from the tea things. This arrival was followed immediately by Mrs. Brook apologizing and holding a sleepy toddler in her arms. “Nellie, hush . . . so sorry to interrupt” as she tried to herd the dog and hand the child off to Charlotte all at the same time.   
“Nellie, nellie” After a bit of confusion which eventually had both gentlemen standing trying to prevent the dog from jumping or oversetting the tea things, Nellie was finally grabbed by the collar by Crowe who herded him off with Mrs. Brook.  
Sidney looked over at Charlotte holding the sleepy child, who had laid his head on her shoulder and was looking at Sidney with soft brown eyes much like his young mother’s.  
“And who is this little gentleman?” Sidney asked, with a sudden jolt realizing that though he felt connected and comfortable telling Charlotte about his past four years, he had talked non stop about his own situation but never asked Charlotte about her own life. He faced her feeling a bit disappointed in himself for not having learned more about her. She was so much the same, he couldn’t quite believe she hadn’t just materialized out of an enchanted sleep to be in his life again. And yet, there she stood, holding incontournable proof that her life had not stopped after that carriage swept her away on cliffs above Sanditon.

“Robby?” She cooed to the little boy and ruffled his blond curls. “My little Robin, darling? Are you still sleepy?” Charlotte gently pried her son off her shoulder and set him down next to her. She knelt down next to him. “I’d like you meet someone. Can you shake Mr. Parker’s hand? This is Mr. Parker. Mr. Parker, please meet Mr. Robert Philips.”  
Sidney naturally reciprocated and settled down on his haunches to offer his hand to the little man who was proudly holding one hand out while leaving the other safely on his mother’s knee.  
“Mr. Philips. It is an honor sir.” Sidney said with the utmost seriousness, and shook the lad’s hand. The boy shyly smiled revealing dimples just like his mother’s. Syndney felt a hitch in his chest. “And was that your fine dog I saw just a minute ago, sir?” Sidney asked.  
Robby nodded. “Nellie” was all he could say, as he watched Sidney with his serious brown eyes with a recognizable furrow between.  
Charlotte laughed, “Oh Nellie was quite naughty running in here like that!”  
From the doorway Crowe said, “Yes, Nellie is back in the yard, happily digging holes. You may have a tunnel to your beloved cove by the end of the day. Hello Mr. Robert.” Crowe waved gamely to the little boy who was still staring at Sidney. “Well, Mrs. Philips, it looks like you have your next gentleman caller - we should take our leave. Thanks for the tea and the nap.”  
Taking Robby by the hand, she led the boy out to the hall where Crowe was collecting their things from Mrs. Brook. Sidney followed, crushed that he’d let this opportunity go to waste.  
“Thank you for the visit and the engaging conversation Mr. Crowe” she teased him. She turned to Sidney. “Thank you for the flowers. It was a pleasure seeing you again. Safe travels to London. I know your family will be eager to see you.”  
Sidney suddenly became tongue tied again. He offered his hand to little Robby who let go of his mom’s hand to shake it. “The pleasure was mine, “ he responded with a nod to Charlotte.   
Crowe, not to be outdone, bent over Charlotte’s hand and kissed it quickly. “Mrs. Philips”  
She laughed at him as he turned to get in the carriage. Sidney turned again to her, “Goodbye”  
And with that the carriage pulled off with Charlotte and Robby waving goodbye from the drive. Suddenly Nellie appeared for Charlotte and Robby to chase back into the garden and they were gone from view.

Sidney faced Crowe across the carriage. Crowe put up his hands in defense and started “Yes, yes, I know. I have more explaining to do. I’m sure you have questions. Let me just say this. Charlotte Philips, nee Heywood, has plenty of males in her life. She has little Robby and crazy Nellie - who is yes, a male, don’t interrupt me, named for Admiral Nelson -and she has little Nathaniel, Captain Heywood’s boy who is always there, and she has young Caleb who comes every week or so . . .I”m sure she’s got some old mouser of a Tom Cat, too. Not to mention me, who she barely tolerates and I probably rank under aforementioned tomcat. Or with. Nonetheless: Be careful before you get any ideas about her. She’s not who she was, no matter how she appears. She is lovely and she is spirited and I see the way you look at her. I wasn’t asleep for all of that conversation, either. You might not be carrying a torch, but you certainly have a lit candle, that I can see. Watch yourself Sidney Parker.”

That Mr. Crowe had become the defender of Charlotte Philips nee Heywood was perhaps one of the most shocking developments since his return to England.


	3. CH. 3

Ch. 3

The next day dawned grey and rainy. Charlotte passed the morning uneventfully at home with Robby and the playful Nellie. The mother and son walked over to Captain Heywood’s estate to enjoy lunch with her aunt and uncle and to play with Nathaniel. Nathaniel had been born with hearing and speaking challenges. Charlotte had gone to help her aunt and uncle with their son four years ago, when his hearing and speech issues were becoming more serious. The bond between the seven year old and his older cousin was tender. Charlotte and Nathaniel had been learning sign language together and were the most proficient communicators. 

Nathaniel returned with Charlotte and Robby to their own home in the afternoon. Charlotte set Robby down for his nap. When she returned to the sitting room, Nate had already set to on learning his knots, which Mr. Parker had noted the previous day. Mr. Parker, mused Charlotte. He was so awkward with his bouquet of flowers. He’d never given her anything before - she didn’t have a single memento from him for the entire Summer in Sanditon. She felt that maybe she’d press a few of the flowers, but that felt strange. How odd to have him in her house. How singular to have seen him at the shooting. How undeniable her reaction to him . . .still, after four years, a marriage, and a baby. What power did he have over her emotions? Did he feel the same connection? She was mulling over all this as she tidied around the sitting room, when Mrs. Brook came in.   
“Ma’am - a delivery came for you this afternoon.”  
Charlotte took the heavy package from Mrs. Brook and went to sit. Her eyes snagged on Sidney’s flowers in the vase next to her reading chair. Had he and Mr. Crowe headed back to London yesterday afternoon? Or today? She frowned slightly. She needed to stop thinking about Mr. Sidney Parker.   
Nate came to see what she had. When she removed the paper, she saw that someone had sent her books. Nate clapped his hands; the first volume was a picture book of wild animals, obviously drawn for children. It was a lovely volume and Nate was immediately transfixed. Charlotte knew Robby would be thrilled, but perhaps overly so, and she’d have to remind him not to tear the pages. He was yet too young to truly appreciate the gift, but for Nate, it was perfect. Nate slid into the settee next to her and they began signing back and forth about the different pictures and animals. Nate eventually pulled the whole book into his lap, which revealed two other texts below. The next was a guide to low tide and marsh life along the coastline of southern England. Charlotte smiled. It was a book she’d seen before but didn’t own. She wondered if it were from her father, or from her aunt and uncle. “What’s that?” Nate signed and gestured to the last book.   
It was a slim volume with no pictures, so Nate quickly lost interest, but Charlotte felt her stomach knot as she opened the volume. It was a volume of Heraclitus’ writings. There was no card, no note, to indicate who had sent it, but this last book took her breath away. Somehow Sidney had sent these. 

The next morning was clear and bright. Charlotte woke up clear headed and happy. Though she’d had troubled sleep, the lovely morning made her feel like her world was back in order, despite the tumult Mr. Parker made of her thoughts. She didn’t like to think about what could have been or what was. She was content with the life she’d built for herself. Surely he was back in London and on to his wider world and Charlotte was relieved to get back to simplicity by the ocean with her boys. She leashed up Admiral Nelson and got the boys ready and they headed off to a favorite cove for seashells, sand castles, and ocean splashing. 

Nate helped Robby get his shoes off, and the two went running to the shoreline. Charlotte left her shoes and bonnet with the boys’ jackets and boots, tossed a stick to Nellie and ran to the water after tying up her skirts as best she could. Robby was already wet past his knees and tossing pebbles and sand everywhere. Nellie barked happily and ran circles around them all. Nate set to digging the moat for the castle. Charlotte kept one eye on her little Robin and chased after Nellie to grab his stick. She gave it a heave and turned to chase her boy. She drew up short when she heard barking, and turned back around to see a familiar figure grab the stick from Nellie and toss it forward. Little Robby took that opportunity to splash away from his mother, his arms stretched out, right towards Mr. Sidney Parker. 

Sidney swooped Robby up with a big smile, “Well careful there little pirate - don’t get too deep.” Sidney had tossed his jacket and boots to the side - he’d obviously just been swimming. HIs pants were rolled up and his shirt was still wet and sticking to his skin, no cravat to be seen. Robby was soaking him still further. Charlotte watched Robby’s chubby little hand pat Mr. Parker’s chin, then settle onto his tanned chest. “What a crew you make. Well met Mrs. Philips.”  
Nate ran over to join them and signed excitedly “Who is this?”   
Charlotte turned to Nate “This is the gentleman who gave us the books yesterday.”  
Sidney watched the interaction with his eyebrows raised.  
“Mr. Parker, this is Nathaniel Heywood, Captain Heywood’s son - my cousin.” Sidney reached out a hand to shake young Nate’s hand and watched Charlotte with Nate.  
“He says nice to meet you - and thanks for the picture book - he wants me to tell you,” Charlotte smiled at Mr. Parker. “And, yes, Mr. Parker, thank you so much for the books. A bit ambitious for little Robin -he’s still mostly interested in ripping and tearing, but Nate and I will enjoy the pictures.” She couldn’t bring herself to mention the Heraclitus. She simply smiled at him for several long seconds. Then, “I thought you would have been back to London by now.” 

Sidney set Robby down but still held his hand. “I, ah, I’d rather be here.” He glanced down at Robby and back to Charlotte. She sucked in a breath at the feeling of four years erase in a heartbeat. He continued past the moment. “The books? Yes I am glad they suit in whatever way. I’d noticed some gaps in your little library. But, ah, perhaps you no longer have time for greek philosophers - I see your days are quite full.”

“Happily full,” Charlotte smiled at him. Nate ran back to the sandcastle and Robby pulled loose from Sidney to splash nearby. Nellie chased birds. Charlotte held Sidney’s gaze and remembered how easy he’d always been with his nieces and nephew in Sanditon. He seemed entirely comfortable with his wet shirt hanging open and his toes digging into the sand. He was still tan from this time in Antigua. What would it be like to touch his chin and put her hand on his chest the way her little boy had? She imagined him being a part of this daily interaction, throwing sticks for the dog, and keeping her Robin away from the deeper waves. It felt easy and even right to have him with them. She had forgotten how much she genuinely liked Sidney Parker.  
“A penny for your thoughts Mrs. Philips?” Charlotte started, realizing she’d been staring at him. Blushing she turned her gaze back to the ocean and to her little boy throwing rocks, trying to get the sight of Sidney’s collarbone with a dusting of sand out of her mind.

“Oh, Mr. Parker. They’re worth far more than a penny now,” she teased. Her eyes slid back up to his, wondering if he guessed the direction of her thoughts.  
Nate was gesturing to her to come help with the sandcastle and she backed away from him smiling up into his surprised eyes.

“Fair enough.” He smiled back and nodded. One of Robby’s pebbles pelted him in the leg, “Hey young sir - let’s see what Mr. Nate has going on.” He lifted Robby up again and followed Charlotte up the beach. “Excellent construction, young man. Do you need a labourer?” He asked as he handed wiggly sandy Robby to his mother and set himself onto the sand.

Charlotte froze. His tone and language brought her immediately back to less pleasant memories of Sanditon the day of the Regatta. Despite her recollection of moments prior, Sidney wasn’t always an easy fit. Her blood went cold. She shook her head to clear away the images she’d let herself imagine, of future and past moments of her and Sidney and the children at the beach. It was dangerous thinking, and had hurt her too much in the past. She’d been disappointed in Sidney’s attentions before; she wouldn’t and couldn’t make that mistake again. How fast she’d fallen into that trap. His handsome smile, his easy manners - falling for him was not an option. She was no longer an inexperienced girl. The boys depended on her stability. She stared at Sidney, blinking at her own realization.

“What is it?” He asked concern wrinkling his brow.

Just then she heard a call from the beach walk beyond them “Good morning Mrs. Philips!” Charlotte whirled to the voices and gave a distracted wave. She reached for her shoes and bonnet and gestured to Nate to go round up Nellie.  
“C’mon little Robin, love, must get your shoes on. It’s time to go.” Charlotte began gathering their belongings, not looking at Sidney.

“Charlotte.” Sidney stood before her. He put out a hand to stop her. “Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it?” He looked dismayed.

“Mr. Parker. I forgot myself. People are about on the beach walk. Imagine what they see.” Charlotte was shaking her skirts down over her shoes and tying her bonnet back on. She looked over at Sidney with a quick glance of reproach. “This is hardly proper. You, me, both barefoot - your shirt. I can’t . . “ she stopped and looked at him. “In Sanditon there were times when I was in situations that could have compromised my reputation. This is not Sanditon. I am no longer that girl. I have more to consider here. I’ve got my family. I just can’t . . .” she stopped at a loss for what to say. She gathered up Robby and gestured for Nate to follow and bring Nellie.

“Charlotte. Of course. I didn’t think . . .Forgive me.” She spun back to look at him. She signed to Nate to keep going and to take Robby’s hand. She lifted him down and glanced at the boys as they headed up to the beach walk.

“Mr. Parker. Please. It’s got to be Mrs. Philips,” she could feel tears starting to form - anger or sadness she didn’t have time to identify which. “Mr. Parker. There is nothing to forgive. And I am not laying blame. But I need to say that I’m happy here. I’m settled. When I left Sanditon, when I last saw you, I didn’t think I’d ever have this without . . . “ she’d been about to say without you. She started again. “I understood why things happened as they did in Sanditon - truly. I knew Tom and Mary and the children needed you. . .I knew the reason that summer ended as it did, but it still hurt me and unbalanced me. I see now that I put myself in situations with you because of my naivete and inexperience, I allowed things to be said and done. . . But I’d been warned, you see. Esther and Georgiana said I couldn’t trust a word you said, that you were unstable. Whether that was true or not doesn’t matter. Whether those things that were said between us - or not said - were real has become irrelevant because after the fire the result was the same. Real or not, you chose. I left. And I had to put Sanditon behind me. I’ve done that, it’s behind me. That familiarity is gone. It can’t happen again here - Nate and Robby can’t have dashed expectations. I can’t take the risk - I have to heed the warnings and my own experience. That is all.” She gave him a brief nod, and followed the boys back up to the beach walk and to her home. 

Sidney Parker couldn’t believe it was only noon as he arrived back at the Crowe estate. What had started as a beautiful sunny day, full of marvel and possibility, suddenly seemed dark and hopeless. To be reunited with Charlotte, to see her lovely home, to meet her wonderful boy, all he wanted was more. Then she shut the door on him. It only took two days for her to mistrust him. Two days for her to remember warnings about him, or to recall her “own experiences.” He remembered conversations from Sanditon “I”m not you - I can’t just cauterize my heart” or “Put it out of your mind or you’ll go mad” . . .Charlotte certainly had put these lessons of Sanditon to use. He’d chosen not to remember those moments. He focused instead on sparkling brown eyes laughing at him at Cricket, loose curls blowing in the wind, warm hands under his while rowing, or a kiss on a blufftop that was nothing but promise. Her memories were different. She remembered Eliza. She remembered goodbye.

Sidney began packing his things. He needed to get away. He’d go to London first and then figure out where to go next. Sanditon? 

Crowe leaned in the door. Still a bit bleary eyed from the excess of the previous night. “You’re packing. Does this mean we are going back to London? Thank God - I thought last night you said you wanted to stay? But I’m certainly ready to move on - only so much of my family can I take. Leave tonight? I can be ready in minutes. . .”  
“Yes. That should be fine. Lunch here first? To say goodbye perhaps?”  
“I suppose we must. On the road by three, Parker, and London delights tonight!” Crowe disappeared and Sidney was thankful for his friend’s sometimes callous behavior. It fit perfectly at the moment. No feelings, no emotion . . .Crowe was a good friend.

Crowe tipped his head back in the carriage to sleep. Sidney stared out the window, seeing nothing, but the memory of Charlotte walking away from him on the beach. Was she right? Could he salvage anything with her? 

Crowe interrupted his reverie, “I can hear your teeth grinding from here. Blast it man, what’s set you off? It’s London - distraction awaits.”

“It’s Mrs. Philips. Distraction is behind me, I fear.” Sidney gritted out.

“I warned you, did I not? She’s not what she was. Leave her in XXX. Best forget with me in London.”  
“ I begin to suspect you are hardly a disinterested party where she is concerned.”

Crowe turned sharply to give his friend a hard stare. Sidney forgot at his own peril the severity of sober Crowe. “You forget yourself. I was only trying to help. You’ve been away. And now you are being foolish. Let me be clear with you -   
I have no designs there. Mrs. Philips is one of very few women, let alone men, that I genuinely respect. . She has suffered some disappointments: Sanditon, Captain Phillips' untimely death, the event subsequent to his passing. A lesser being would go to drink, would run away . . .would be like me or you. She did not. She persevered without sacrificing that spirit that was so evident in Sanditon. She belongs to no one but herself and that I respect. I wish I could be like her. She needs no one. She doesn’t need the ton, she doesn’t need a husband, she doesn’t follow the conventions of what ladies may be, and yet, she is perfectly respectable and acceptable. Enviable, I say. She is far too good for the likes of me - I am set in my ways by having no ways . . . I drink. I carouse. I chase money. I am not fond of children or of domesticity, and that is her world. She sees exactly who we are all; she sees my faults . . .I know I could be better, but that’s not what I’m interested in. You, Sidney, you can be sure she sees you too . . .uncommunicative? Distant? untethered? Directionless? Unsure? “

“Stop. Please. She’s always seen my faults. I don’t need you to enumerate them, too.” Sidney grew quiet. “Captain Philips . . .did you know him?” 

Crowe narrowed his eyes at Sidney. “I will tell you two parts of what I know of him. But honestly, my friend, this obsession must stop. For you. For her. And probably for me - she may never forgive me for bringing you back into her life.” Crowe sighed dramatically and looked away. “You were just married and away to the Continent, Babs was off with Lady B, and so I came to XXX. The shoot - same as we just attended - was where the young Captain met Charlotte. I didn’t know she was about - she’d come to stay with her uncle Captain Heywood I guess. Captain H brought her to the shoot as his partner. I’d partnered with Captain Phillips - like knows like - younger son, similar age, fond of a wager, quite the sportsman. Handsome bloke, and always well turned out. We’d had some revels together. He was no stranger to London’s distractions. So. We lost several pounds betting on ourselves. Charlotte and Captan Heywood bested us, as perhaps you could guess. He was outraged to have been outfoxed - challenged her to a shoot-off - she took out every target and then shot a rabbit to boot. He was smitten. No more revels, no more London for him, no more hopeful heiresses, and I assure you I tried to entice him. He was done. It’s not my game, the whole courtship thing. By the time the shoot came around the next year, they’d been married. Don’t know when exactly. I remember Mrs. Crowe - my brother’s wife - went on and on about him not knowing what was appropriate gift-wise for a young wife. Apparently he gave her a boat as a wedding gift. And then the dog, of course, Admiral Nelson. Let’s see. He was off at sea for that next shoot . . .and then must’ve passed not long after. Yellow fever hit his crew. He was given leave to come ashore to be with his young family. He wouldn’t do it, he chose to stay with his crew. He ended up dying of it himself. The little lad would have been not even a year old.” Crowe looked back at Sidney. “I liked him well enough. I think he was good man.” Crowe went on. “The second part comes from his sister, Mrs. Crowe, whom you’ve met. She shared some information with me about the Captain as part of her match making between Mrs. Philips and myself. When the Captain died and Charlotte met with the solicitors, she learned she would be secure in the house and with a sufficient income, but there was a certain sum set aside for a third party of which she knew nothing. Captain Phillips had been providing for a child he’d fathered some years prior. He’d never breathed a word of this to Mrs. Philips. Well, Mrs. Philips being who she is, took it upon herself to meet the child. And of course, Caleb, as the boy is known, now lives with Charlotte about half of every month. The mother is unknown. He is being fostered with a large family who have a profitable horse farm not far from XXX. But Charlotte insists he also be raised as the son of a gentleman. He is known to all as a cousin she’s supporting . . . “ Crowe sighed. “I don’t know what else I can say.”

“That’s been more than sufficient.” The two men were silent the rest of the way into London. The unspoken bond of friendship saw them both head for the brandy upon arrival at Crowe’s flat. With drinks in hand, there was not much that needed to be said. But there was certainly plenty to think about.


	4. CH. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bridge chapter while Sidney gathers his thoughts and decides what will come next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thanks to all of you who are reading and commenting. It's much appreciated. Yes, more is coming, however life has a tricky way of intruding into wriitng time . . .please be patient . . .it's coming.

Ch. 4

Sidney Parker sent a note to Bedford Place late the next morning to reunite with Arthur and Diana. He couldn’t put off his return to family life and whatever came next any longer. For all the changes in XXX, there was the comfort of familiarity with his younger siblings. That very afternoon found him moving into his rooms at the family house. There was no recrimination at the lack of communication, or the delay in contacting them. They were simply happy to see him.   
“WIll you stay here? Or Mrs. Campion’s . . .er, your and Mrs. Parker’s London house?”  
“Does Tom know you’re here?”  
“Do you recommend Switzerland for our complaints?”  
“Are you going back to Antigua?”  
“DId you hear Georgiana is expecting?”  
The questions came whether or not he provided an answer, which suited him. Some questions had easy answers, others were more complicated.  
“What a beautiful shell! Where did you get that?” ended up being one question that was unnecessarily difficult. Sidney had taken to rubbing a shell he’d picked up at the beach the morning he’d been with Charlotte. He’d found several that he thought she might like, but had quite forgotten to show them to her on that tumultuous morning. He’d been flipping the shell over his fingers when Arthur noticed and posed the question.  
“I’ve been in XXX with Crowe,” Sidney started.  
“ How singular! That’s where Charlotte lives now - Mrs. Philips as is. Did you see her?”  
For reasons he couldn’t quite explain, Sidney was tempted to lie and pretend as if the three days had never happened. “As a matter of fact I did. This shell was for her - I just forgot to give it her”

Arthur watched his brother’s face carefully. “Well, you should send it to her. She loves all sea things. She’s been known to pick up all manner of jellies and starfish and such. I myself don’t much care for the shells and stones she brings back. But that’s a beaut and she should have it.”

“I wouldn’t know how to begin. I’m not sure she’d want me sending her shells.”  
“What nonsense. Of course she would. You always got along so well. I even thought once in Sanditon that you were suited. . . but that’s not how it happened, is it?” Arthur paused and looked at his older brother speculatively. “Hmmm. Yes, well, that was years ago. Send them, you must.”  
“Arthur. Thank you for your enthusiasm. And your memory is keen. Yes, I too had thought there might be some compatibility between us when we knew her in Sanditon. And sadly, it’s not how it happened. I’m just not sure Mrs. Philips is interested in maintaining our acquaintance. She has a different life now.”

Arthur wouldn’t let it go and persisted. “Come now Sidney. Are you interested in furthering the acquaintance? I’m guessing you just might be, despite your attempts at indifference. What of how it happened before? That’s of no consequence. You must reach out to her like you did with us this morning. We’re ever so glad to have you back. Don’t go sailing off from us or her again, don’t disappear. I’m sure she’ll be happy for the renewed connection. Let’s do this. Come with to the shops. We’ll find a little something for Robby and send that along with the shells inside.”

Arthur had the knack of making something that seemed so complicated become quite easy. With Charlotte it was simply admitting that yes, in fact, he did want her back in his life. Her feelings might be different, but he was pretty sure he was still in love with her. He certainly realized that whatever words had been spoken before - and others besides - were still true for him. It might not be easy to convince her, but he was going to have to try. He could prove that she could trust him. He could be stable and reliable. 

The sailboats in the shop window were remarkably similar to the ones Henry, Jenny, and Alicia had in Sanditon. Sidney immediately bought a blue one and a red one. He thought about cricket bats, but decided perhaps Robby might be yet a bit young. Goodness, Robby. Charlotte had a son. She had, essentially, a step-son, too. And Nate. How had she learned sign-language? What couldn’t she do? Crowe was right. She was still a remarkable woman, but different now. There was more in her life. Was he really ready and able to be a part of that life? Was that what she was saying at the beach? What did Sidney know about children, after all? Could he do this? Should he? What did he have to offer her?

The package sat on the desk in the study at Bedford Place. The boats were easy. It was the shells that had Sidney nervous. He had spent all evening finding their proper and common nomenclature. He labeled them carefully on black paper as he’d seen Charlotte had done. He wrapped them separately, but placed them inside the box with the boats. She would open the box if it were addressed to Robby, he was sure. He was less sure she’d open something to herself from him. He sat to compose a note.

“Dear Mrs. Philips”, though really it’s dearest, isn’t it, Sidney mused. He recognized to himself that he felt the same way he had four years ago. “Please accept my whole hearted” yes that’s exactly it, but not just for excuses, Sidney’s inner dialog continued, “apology for any ill-feeling I may have inadvertently caused when we were last together. Please accept these shells for your collection as a token of my gratitude for your forbearance of my inappropriate behavior. I found them in XXX shortly before joining you and your companions for sandcastles and sand throwing. I have endeavoured to label them correctly. Please excuse any faults, as this type of identification is new to me.” That was the truth of this missive, he realized, and certainly not just about shells. “I hope you will find it acceptable to allow me to call on you again when next I am in the area. I would dearly like to make amends for the hurt I have caused.” Is that too much? He was always so reserved. Could he be more forthright? And now yours Sidney,with all my heart? No, better to go with “Respectfully, Sidney Parker.”

Now what do I do, he wondered. When is it too soon to “be in the area again”? He supposed he should visit Sanditon, first. He could hear Charlotte’s voice in his head, reminding him that they’d be happy to see him. He sighed. And Georgiana, too, he supposed. It was high time he visited with her and her new husband. He’d never met the man, but through correspondence, he seemed a decent sort. A young French man, also a son of a former slave, he’d somehow trained as a solicitor and was working in London when his paths crossed with Georgiana. They lived in the London area, he understood, though not necessarily in London proper. Close enough for Mr. Montague to pursue his law practice, but far enough to keep Georgiana out of the eyes of gossips. She had become even more conscientious and suspicious of the opinions and judgements of others. And Arthur had reported she was expecting. He resolved to set about re-establishing these ties so that he could return to XXX soon with positive news for Charlotte should she be willing to see him.


	5. CH. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A return to XXX, a bit of sailing, and maybe a way forward . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to those who are reading through. Chapters 6 & 7 are coming . . .it's a work week, so they may be a bit slower to emerge.

Ch. 5

Sidney had hoped his return to XXX would be sooner, but it ended up being nearly six weeks later. It was nearing the end of autumn and he didn’t relish the approach of blustery winter weather after being spoiled by the warm winter breezes in the Caribbean islands. For this visit, Arthur and DIana insisted on coming along. They’d even written to Charlotte in advance of their arrival. He could not fault their enthusiasm, but he was hoping, as always, to have time alone with Mrs. Philips. They took rooms in a local hotel. The weather was bright and clear, lovely late fall seaside weather. Sidney resolved to go first to Captain Heywood’s to make good on that man’s invitation, then he and his siblings would call on Mrs. Philips later in the day. 

Captain Heywood was happy to see Mr. Sidney Parker. Mrs. Heywood and Nate were with the Captain in a bright sitting room. Nate was working on knots, which made Sidney smile recognizing the work from Charlotte’s pianoforte. “What brings you to XXX? Although no one needs an excuse with the weather being what it is.”  
Sidney went for transparency in his response, “Actually, I’m here with my younger brother and sister. When they heard I’d reacquainted myself with Mrs. Philips they were eager to see her again. We all are, actually.” Mrs. Heywood was looking at Sidney quite keenly as he recounted this information. 

“Capital luck that is then, Mr. Parker. We expect Charlotte here shortly with young Caleb and Mr. Robin. She’s to take the older boys - Caleb and my Nate - out for a bit of sailing before the winds pick up too much this afternoon. Perhaps you’d like to go along to the sea. Have you ever sailed yourself, sir?”

“I have, Captain, actually, in the West Indies. As you know, I’ve spent the past two years there and spent a fair amount of time in small boats in the harbor, mostly. Not at all what you’re used to, of course.” Sidney was babbling a bit at the thought of seeing Mrs. Philips here first. He was wondering if he should beg off, when there was commotion out in the entry. Little Robby Philips came running into the sitting room babbling “Mama sea Mama sea” and heading straight for Nate. A handsome and healthy young boy of perhaps nine or ten, near Jenny’s age by Sidney’s count, came running in behind.  
“Captain Heywood, Mrs. Heywood,” he waved amiably as he headed to Nate and then drew up short when he saw Mr. Parker. He stopped short and blushed. “Excuse me, sir, I thought we were just family.”  
“That’s alright Caleb, this is a friend of Mistress Charlotte’s Mr. Sidney Parker.” Sidney walked over to the embarrassed boy and shook his hand, secretly proud to have been introduced as Charlotte’s friend.  
“How do you do Caleb?” he smiled at the boy. He wondered at the boy’s embarrassment, then recalled Caleb was living on a farm, but perhaps trying to remember his lessons as a young gentleman when staying with Mistress Charlotte. “I’m sure you’re just excited to go sailing?”  
“Mr. Parker? You’re the gentleman what sent the boats?”  
Sidney smiled and nodded and was about to respond as Charlotte gently entered the conversation with her hands on Caleb’s shoulders “Yes, Mr. Parker is the gentleman WHO sent us the boats. And the shells. Mr. Parker,” she nodded and smiled at him. Sidney had been so focused on the boys, he hadn’t seen her enter. He was struck anew at how genuinely lovely she was. Her brown eyes were warm and her dimples seemed to deepen as her smile grew. Her cheeks were pink and a few curls had escaped from her bonnet to fall around her face.   
He smiled back and quite forgot how to respond before he started -   
“Mrs. Philips. A pleasure.” He continued, “ AH. I ’m in XXX with Arthur and Diana and we’d hoped to call on you later today.” Little Robin had headed over to Sidney and was looking up at him with a bit of knot work. “And hello Mr. Robert, sir.” Sidney greeted him, looking away from Charlotte, and kneeling down to the boy. “What have you there?” Robby showed him the knotted string while babbling words and sounds to Sidney.  
“He’ll work on his knots here with myself and Mrs. Heywood while Charlotte takes the boys to the harbor. Mr. Parker? Are you occupied with plans? Would you like to join the harbor excursion or stay here and work knots with Mr. Robin?” The Captain spoke over the noise of the room.  
Sidney looked at Charlotte and said, “I’ve had a rather sedentary morning and would appreciate a walk to the harbor. Mrs. Philips, maybe I could join you?”  
“Oh. . .Yes. Of course. That’s lovely.” Charlotte and Sidney met eyes across the room and neither moved.  
“Well then, off you go then you two. Robby, say goodbye to Mr. Parker. Boys, grab your jackets.” Captain Heywood broke the reverie between the two, and with a bit of commotion, which successfully managed to cover the hopeful apprehension of both Charlotte and Mr. Parker, eventually they made it out the door and headed to the harbor with Caleb and Nate.

The boys were ahead. The two adults walked in silence for a bit before Sidney turned to Charlotte. “Mrs. Philips, I find I have to apologize again for interrupting your beach outing with your young charges. I hope I’m not too much of an intrusion . . .I could just go, if you prefer, though I’d rather not.” His heart was in his throat as he spoke these last words. He wanted to be nowhere else. He wanted her to let him be there, if nothing just to be with her, or to try and have her see that she could trust him. That he was in love with her. Again. Still. 

She said nothing for awhile. “The shells were magnificent” she spoke so softly he had to bend towards her to hear. “I didn’t have them, and have never seen full specimens. They’re always broken or just pieces. Thank you for finding them, thinking of me, and then sending the full shells to me. I’ll keep them always.” His heart was thumping so loudly he wondered if she could hear it. Shells was she referring to? Or his heart - she’d seen pieces, now the whole thing? But then she smiled so quickly he almost missed it. “The boats are nice, too. The boys prefer them to the shells.” She stopped talking for several steps. “And your note. Thank you. I”m sorry if I had you wrong. . .” This felt like before, when they’d misread each other, and were starting over again. Then Charlotte looked embarrassed. “Ah. The boat. My boat. Sailing today. So. Please don’t get your expectations up. It’s not much, the Lottie.”  
Sidney had to stop walking. There was so much emotion, then the expectations comment, then the Lottie? Charlotte Heywood/Philips could always keep him on his toes. She always surprised him. “The Lottie?” 

The boys had seen him stop and turned around to each take one of Charlotte’s hands and pull her towards them as he stood rooted in the street. “C’mon Mr. Parker. It’s the “The Lovely Lottie” and it’s Mrs. Charlotte’s boat. My dad gave it to her. It’s ever so neat. ” Caleb enthusiastically marched them onward, while Nate signed things to Charlotte.

“Mr. Parker, Nate is telling you the boat is for two people at a time - three could fit if it were just me and the boys, but we’ll have to take turns. Do you sail?”  
“I can manage a small boat , yes . . .I can take turns. Whatever you need , I . . .” Sidney was trying to keep up with the boys and with his feelings. If Charlotte had been feeling overwhelmed and unsure of him last time, he was feeling the same way this time. Could he trust himself to not declare himself then and there? 

“And there she is.” Charlotte was laughing with the boys now as they ran up the sand in a sweet half moon of a little bay inside of the docks of the harbor. The boys set about pulling the canvas tarps off a sleek little sailing dinghy. Sidney yanked off his jacket and helped the boys pull the little boat to the water’s edge. Sure enough, emblazoned across the back of the skiff, written as if it were the greatest sailing vessel of the royal navy, was the name “The Lovely Lottie.” “It was a gift.” Charlotte blushed as she watched Sidney stare at the boat. “Captain Philips recognized - as you once did - that I had a touch of the admiral in me.” It was the first time she’d ever referred to her husband in conversation with him. Sidney realized that rather than jealousy, he felt curiosity. He wanted to know more about this man that had convinced Charlotte to marry. Though Charlotte was comfortable, it obviously hadn’t been a money match. Equality of affection was what she’d said years ago. How had Captain Philips won her?

His musings were interrupted as he helped Charlotte and the boys drag the boat into the shallow water, and ready the sails. Charlotte climbed aboard with Nate, then they dropped the centerboard out where the shallows deepened slightly. They gave a brief wave and sailed off.   
Sidney and Caleb would wait first. TIme passed quickly. Caleb and Sidney skipped stones and Caleb told Sidney about the horse farm where he lived when he wasn’t with Charlotte.   
Before long, Caleb traded out with Nate and off the little boat went again. Nate was excited to show Sidney some knots with the string he had in his pocket. That evolved into Nate teaching Sidney some basic signs for things like sea and boat and knots.   
Caleb came splashing across the shallows from the boat. “Mr. Parker, Mrs. Charlotte thinks it’s your turn - if you’re brave enough. She told me to say that. Oh and she said it’s ok to leave your boots . . .I promised her we’d wait here and be good.” Caleb and Nate ran off playing and laughing as Sidney joined Charlotte.  
“I know last time I said the boots were improper, but we’re in a boat, and with both Nate and Caleb, I think we’re appropriately chaperoned. None of the gossips can see us anyway. Just leave your shirt on, please, Mr. Parker, ” Charlotte laughed at him as he joined her and they set off across the harbor. Because of the wind, and motion of the boom, they didn ‘t say much to each other at first, content just to pass the time.   
Finally, Sidney got up the courage to ask, “Captain Philips? He taught you to sail?” Charlotte smiled and nodded. “We met at the shooting party, then there was a cricket incident . . .he wanted to find something I couldn’t do.” Sidney nodded. He remembered Charlotte's competence at everything from bandaging Old Man Stringer to organizing Tom’s documents. But he also remembered being in a boat with Charlotte. He thought about what it might have meant to teach her to sail, to be able to touch her, and guide her hands, and body. It was a dangerous line of thinking.   
“ The Lovely Lottie . . .did he call you Lottie?” Sidney couldn’t help ask the question. A pet name, an affectionate name - there was a bit of jealousy in with the curiosity, he supposed.“Sometimes.” Charlotte looked away, but Sidney couldn’t tell if her distraction was due to the question, or to her tacking to get a better wind. He thought about her response. Did she mean sometimes when he teased her, or sometimes in private moments, tender moments. He shook his head. This was definitely a dangerous line of thinking.   
Charlotte sensed maybe a need for a distraction. She stopped in the middle of the little bay and handed the tiller to Sidney. “ Your turn Mr. Parker. Get us home.”   
When the boys saw Mr. Parker with the tiller in hand, they clamored to be able to sail with him. Charlotte splashed to shore and waited with Nate while Caleb sailed off with Sidney. Nate signed to Charlotte, “Mr. Parker is kind. I like him. Where does he live? Can he come more often?”   
Charlotte told Nate that she too thought Mr. Parker was kind, but that he didn’t show it to many people. “We’re lucky that he shows us. I like him , too. I don’t know where he lives now. Maybe London.” and Charlotte surprised herself by signing back “I hope he comes more often, but he has to decide that part. He’s here and there and everywhere and we’re just XXX.”  
When Mr. Parker took Nate out for his turn, Caleb said many of the same things, but then asked, “At the farm, one of the lads is courting a girl from the village. Is Mr. Parker courting you Mrs. Charlotte?”  
“Caleb, that’s not a very proper thing to ask. But no, Mr. Parker is a friend.” Was he a friend? Was he courting? Did she want him too? Or was this going to be Sanditon all over again?  
Charlotte didn't have time to dwell on those thoughts because the Lovely Lottie sailed in to shore, and everyone was busy folding sails and tucking everything away tightly under the tarp.  
Charlotte pushed her hair off her forehead with her arm, and resettled her bonnet, as they got ready to walk away, “Mr. Parker, it was so lucky you were here. I’m not sure the three of us would have been strong enough to haul all this gear without you. And the boys got in twice the sailing. Whatever will we do next time I wonder?”  
“Well I imagine I’ll have to make myself more available for your sailing needs.” Charlotte peered at him intently, trying to fathom what he meant.   
“Would you?” bounced out Caleb. “It was ever so fun with you here.”  
“I had a nice time, too, Mr. Caleb. I am at your service.” He gave Caleb an elegant bow, and turned to offer Charlotte his elbow, continuing on in the light vein of joking. Sidney was a little surprised but overjoyed when after a quick glance and slight hesitation, she took his arm and they walked on. They made a merry party of four as they made their way back to Captain Heywood’s. Some local acquaintances greeted them, but as everything was proper, Charlotte put the worries of gossip out of her mind. The intentions of Sidney Parker she decided to worry about later.

There was a bit of merry mayhem back at the Heywood house. Sidney needed to be off to find Arthur and Diana, promising to call later at Mrs. Philips’ house for her to visit with them. Charlotte rounded up Robby and Caleb, but not without some pointed questions from Captain Heywood’s wife - her aunt. “How exactly do you know Mr. Parker? Is Mr. Parker in the area long? Why is he in the area? He knows Mr. Crowe, you say?” Charlotte answered her aunt in a vague sort of way, not wanting to elaborate, or speculate, or to encourage Mrs. Heywood’s imagination.   
Captain Heywood ended the interrogation and sent Charlotte home, admonishing his wife, “He’s a gentleman, a decent shot, he likes the boys, it’s just a visit.”  
Charlotte held onto his words to keep her own mind from spinning. Yes, that was it exactly. Just a visit.

True to his word, Sidney showed up with Arthur and Diana (and holding another bouquet of flowers) for tea that afternoon. Conversation flowed easily as Arthur was always an enthusiastic conversationalist, and Diana had plenty to report about her health concerns. They were both full of gossip about Sanditon and London, and Charlotte was happy for their high spirits. Sidney mostly sat and listened. He stepped into the garden for a smoke after awhile. When Robby woke from his nap, he and Caleb joined the lively adults. Caleb introduced himself to Diana and Arthur like the young gentleman he was becoming. Robby was happy to stare at the boisterous Mr. Arthur. Diana pronounced him a dear cherub, and had to mention how sad it was that Sidney and Eliza never had children, as her brother was always so good with his nieces and nephews. Charlotte glanced at Sidney but he was engaged with the little boys. Caleb had been able to entice Robby over to Mr. Sidney Parker, who soon found himself with a busy toddler and an energetic Caleb looking at books and practicing knots. She smiled to herself that the boys were so drawn to Mr. Parker, but she also felt she needed perspective. It’s just a friendly visit, nothing more. 

This friendly visit extended into a variety of other easy outings and teas over the next week. The weather remained fair, and Sidney, Diana, and Arthur were easily entertained by the combined households of Captain Heywood and Mrs. Philips. There were morning strolls along the beach walk, luncheons or teas at the hotel or one of the homes, and comfortable afternoon visits. Caleb, Nate, Captain Heywood and Sidney were able to make a day of a fishing expedition together. Indeed as the week drew to a close and the Parker siblings prepared for their remove back to London, there was genuine disappointment that the easy fun was ending and the dreary winter months were ahead. Diana suggested they should all meet at Sanditon in the Spring, to have their adventures in a different beach town. Caleb and Nate were keen to see something new, but the adults were less sanguine about the idea, though as Captain Heywood gallanted responded, “It could be grand, but we’ll just have to see what the new year brings.”

There was an early farewell supper at the Captain’s, and as Charlotte prepared to take her leave with Caleb and young Robin, Sidney asked if he might see her home. “I would appreciate one last evening walk before our long drive tomorrow morning.”  
Diana and Arthur were confident they could walk themselves back to the hotel, and would wait for Sidney in the lobby.  
The decision appeared to be made, and after heartfelt farewells and promises to visit again, Sidney joined Caleb, Robin, and Charlotte on their stroll back to their house. Sidney easily lifted Robin onto his shoulders, and they set off. Caleb had tucked Charlotte’s arm under his, in his role as junior gentleman, and the two were chatting about Caleb’s return to the horse farm. “Mr. Parker, have you ever been to a horse farm?” Caleb asked.  
“No, Caleb, I can’t say as that I have. That gives me an excuse to visit again, now, doesn’t it?” Sidney lifted his brows toward the young man.  
Charlotte and Caleb both returned his look, but with very different expressions. Charlotte had a concerned wrinkle between her brows. Caleb was pure unbridled excitement.  
“Mr. Parker! It’d be my honor to show you the farm.” His face shone with pride and hopeful anticipation.  
“Caleb, that was a perfectly gentlemanly response. Well done, you. But, surely Mr. Parker ‘s business in Sanditon and London or, uh, elsewhere, may make it difficult for him to pay that visit. Please understand . . .” Charlotte was interrupted.  
“I do have business interests here and there, Caleb, but I will make it a priority to see the farm. “  
“Thank you sir, that’s most kind. Maybe you could write Mrs. Charlotte about the arrangements?”  
“Ah, yes. I see. Good idea, Caleb.” Sidney suddenly seemed a bit nervous. He wouldn’t meet Charlotte’s look when she turned quickly to face him. “Ah. Mrs. Philips, that’s actually a good point Caleb has. Could I write to you - about the arrangements?”   
At this point, they’d reached the front drive of the house. Sidney gently lifted Robby down to his mother’s arms. Sidney finally met Charlotte’s inquisitive look.  
“About the arrangements? To visit the farm?” She turned to look at Caleb who looked so excited. She sighed. “I think we can work something out. Caleb can you take Robby inside - I’d like to talk about . . .those arrangements . . .with Mr. Parker before he goes back to London.” Sidney shook the boys’ hands, gave Caleb’s hair a tousle, and turned to Charlotte as the boys headed inside. “Mr. Parker. Why did you make that promise to Caleb?”  
“Mrs. Philips. I . . .you see. . . I’ve underestimated you. Again.” Sidney looked down at Charlotte and took a step closer. “I thought you’d forgotten me. I thought my feelings for you were in the past. I was wrong.” He gathered his courage. “I want to see Caleb’s farm. I want to see you, Mrs. Philips, again. I think . . .I am still my best self when I am with you. ” He took another step towards her. Did she know what he was trying to say?  
Charlotte looked at him, her eyes inscrutable. “Mr. Parker. It’s getting late. I need to go in with the boys. But, I just wanted to say I’ve heard those words before. From you. And then . . .well. This is what I was afraid of on the beach that day. Promise, potential, and then . . . Please don’t disappoint Caleb. Be your best self. Make arrangements. Go see him.” she turned to walk away.  
“Charlotte - Mrs. Philips, wait. Can I write to you? About more than arrangements? I find . . .I know before it was the river, not the same man, not the same river. But now it is the sea. I’m all at sea. . .I find there are things I want to say to you and I don’t know how to start . . . ” he put his hand out- anything to keep her for one second longer, to show her it was more than Caleb that he was ready to make promises to.  
“Stop. Mr Parker. Please don’t say anything more.” She sighed. “Let’s start with you writing. For Caleb.” She placed her hand on his arm as she turned away. “Then we’ll see what else you have to say.” She gently pulled her hand from his arm, nodded her farewell, and disappeared inside.   
Sidney walked back to the hotel, disappointed in again not being able to get past his own reserve and just say the words he felt he needed to be said; but there was hope. He would write.


	6. CH. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first event of the London season brings some familiar faces back into Sidney's life. And new resolve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind reactions. Next chapters are coming . . .enjoy the latest.   
> Also: look for the song "That was the river, this is the sea" by the Waterboys - some 80's Scottish/Irish indie rock.

CH. 6

The weather became wintry in the week after the Parker siblings returned to London. Sidney’s first letters to Charlotte largely were about the incessant rain and persistent mud, and the onset of inclement weather health complaints from Diana and Arthur. He had nothing else to report on, other than the vicissitudes and follies of Crowe’s London love life; but he didn’t think that was appropriate material for a letter from a hopeful suitor. Although he mused, given Charlotte’s surprising relationship with Mr. Crowe, he wondered if she’d bat at eye at his retellings of those misadventures. There was nothing that would mark the letters as love letters, and yet . . .Sidney remembered Charlotte cheekily assuring him years ago that his softer side was a secret safe with her. Hopefully she could find that softer side in his words and in his gentle teasing of Diana and Arthur.  
For his part, he was delighted by her surprisingly newsy responses. She was the only person who could convey an eye roll in a letter, he chuckled to himself. Apparently, little Robin had contracted a cold, and when the doctor arrived, he was so reminiscent of Dr. Fuchs in his enthusiasm for various illnesses and maladies, that Charlotte had to send him off before Robin was given tinctures for everything from a simple cough to women’s fainting powders. She wrote about her family in Willingden. It seemed her eldest brother had married and started a family and was living in the estate house with her parents. Three of the older siblings would be coming to her for the December holidays to share the Christmas season with Charlotte, the boys, and their uncle Captain Heywood’s family. And she’d been in touch with Georgiana and would be visiting there in a few weeks time. She wanted to see her friend before she came to term with her baby. She was hoping the weather would turn to make the trip more pleasant, and also so that Mr. Parker could visit Caleb before long. 

In the meantime, Mr. Parker was content to spend time with Crowe and to reconnect with his network of business associates. He met with solicitors to finish the sale of Eliza’s London property. He felt like he was trying to tie up loose ends to prepare himself for whatever would come next. He couldn’t see himself settling in London long term. His hopes were that what came next would involve Mrs. Philips and XXX.

Much to Sidney’s surprise, it was again his friend Mr. Crowe who brought XXX back into the foreground of his plans. Crowe had come to enjoy a glass of port with Sidney before a social engagement. “Honestly Sid, I’m not feeling so keen on this early season ball this evening. Too many overly eager candidates for grasping a foothold in the social swirl of the ton. And thinking you or I might be a key part of that plan. Ah. Speaking of which. My brother and his wife will not be coming into London until the Spring. They’d hoped to bring some of the set out to their estate for an autumnal ball in the next week. Could I impose on you to make the journey again with me? It wasn’t so bad last time . . .”  
Sydney raised his eyebrows at his friend. “Decamping from the London scene so soon, Crowe? Do you already have angry husbands or fathers calling for your head? Have you dared something more than a . . . your word? . . foothold? With some young lady?” He hoped his teasing would disguise his eagerness to return to XXX. “But of course. I’d be happy to accompany you. Ahem. But as for tonight, what dire warnings do you have for me? Any new entanglements I need to be aware of?”  
Crowe poured himself another port. “You’re going to be an attraction for sure. The elusive Mr. Sydney Parker, newly returned from abroad, unattached, unattractive as always . . .” Crowe shook his head at Sydney. “You’ll need to be on your guard.”  
“Ah, well, I can’t speak to the unattractive, but I’m not so sure unattached is true anymore. I’ve been writing Mrs. Philips.” Sidney raised his eyebrows at Mr. Crowe, who set his drink down quickly after spluttering a bit.  
“ Mrs. Philips?” Crowe leveled his look at Sidney. “Huh. Well, then I need another drink.” Crowe picked up his glass again, and tossed back the last contents. “Writing. For how long? It’s serious?”  
“It’s serious for me. I’d like to think she is being honest in her receptiveness to my suit.”  
“She is? Are you . . .Do you . . .do you want to marry her?” Crowe peered intently at his friend.  
“I can’t believe I’m being so honest with you. But, yes. I do want to marry her.”  
“I see. Just returned, and you’re already gone.” Crowe sighed, set his glass down, then put his hands on his knees, looking down. His voice became quiet. “She doesn’t need to marry, you know. What can you offer her that she doesn’t already have? She has enough money, she has a position of respect ih her community, she has family support . . .what value do you bring that it would be worth upsetting her stability?” Crowe looked up at this last statement, a small glint of challenge in his eyes.  
Sydney stood up. He walked to look out the window, but saw nothing beyond. “Our carriage awaits. But before we go I will say this. Not every marriage is a transaction of bringing value. Some marriages are truly for love. I love her. I have for years. That is a sort of stability, I guess. If she chooses me, she is choosing me for the most impractical of reasons - love. I’m happy that need - respectability or money - is not part of the question. She doesn’t need to marry me, but I want her to want to marry me. I know, I know, I’m quite the romantic, but there it is. Shall we go?” Sydney felt embarrassed and proud at the same time. He was embarrassed to have revealed himself to Crowe who was ever the cynic, but proud that he could be honest about his feelings. He hoped a quick exit to the waiting carriage would put an end to this difficult conversation.  
“Hmmmm. “ Crowe chuckled as he pulled his overcoat and gloves on. “Your words betray you my friend. I hear a lot of love and want and need. There are, of course, the physical reasons for marriage - that’s surely something you have to offer - want and need of another sort. I imagine you’ve considered those.”  
Sidney clenched his jaw and didn’t look at his friend. The perceptiveness of sober Crowe was always unnerving. The physical attraction between Sidney and Charlotte was difficult to deny. Embarrassment was turning to anger. “I’ve considered everything, I assure you. Be careful Mr. Crowe. We are discussing a woman I love.”  
Crowe’s knowing laugh followed them out the door and into the carriage.

The first ball of the season was a crush. The weather was poor, and so no-one lingered out of doors. Everyone was inside and the windows were closed against the damp evening, making for rather hot and stuffy rooms. Sidney’s discomfort at his last conversation with Crowe rankled. He was still feeling out-of-sorts as Crowe found them libations and the two men surveyed the rooms. Crowe seemed quite content to comment on both the fine and the foolish guests assembled. Sydney, however, felt keenly the eyes trained on the two gentlemen, and turned to Crowe, “Confound it man, has it always been thus? Such a spectacle we all are. I feel like a specimen being examined.”  
“And so you are. I warned you. Better erect that signature Sidney Parker air of disdain you rely on . . .it’s needed here. You’ve been away and thus, are an object of curiosity, and fair game on the market, despite your claims to the contrary. “ Crowe helped himself to another drink as a tray passed by. “But look here, old man. Here’s someone who has good reason to be curious! Well met Lord Babington!”  
Sidney turned with an expression of delight to see his good friend. “Babbers.” The men greeted each other warmly. “And Lady Babington. You are looking lovely.” Sidney lifted Esther’s hand to his lips.  
Esther smiled at him. “Well well Sidney Parker. This is a surprise. And such kind manners. Hello Crowe. No such warmth from that quarter, as usual.” Crowe and Esther nodded at each other. “What news Mr. Parker? Sanditon? London? Points elsewhere?”  
“Points elsewhere I should imagine,” snorted Crowe, who was quickly reverting to his inebriated self.  
“Sidney, “ quickly interjected Lord Babington with his long-time sense of when to cut his friend Corwe off, “I’m so sorry we missed you in Santiton last month. All was in order, I expect?”  
Sidney smiled. “You’ve done wonders. It’ll never be Brighton, but perhaps that’s just as well.” The investments in Sanditon had borne fruit, and though perhaps not as fashionable as other seacoast destinations, was still charming enough to draw a steady crowd in the warmer months. “Tom and Mary seem quite settled, and you’ve done well to keep Tom’s pursuits in check.”  
Babbers chuckled. “Every now and then he has a good one, but one must learn to see the diamond in rough. Enough about work. You are settled in London?”  
“For the time being.” Sidney suddenly felt a bit protective of his hopeful state. He wasn’t sure he was ready to risk others knowing about his renewed affections for Charlotte. “I’ll stay with Arthur and Diana for a bit longer. I’m selling off Eliza’s place. I don’t require anything so grand.”  
“No indeed,” interjected Crowe, “Mrs. Philips doesn’t give a fig for grand, and doesn’t much care for London anyway.” Crowe was oblivious to the expressions of his friends, and gazed blearily out at the assembled crowd. Sidney looked immediately away from his friend with his jaw clenched.  
Sensing the tension and with her curiosity piqued, Esther stepped into the awkward pause, “I wonder if you’ve forgotten to dance since you’ve been away. Mr. Parker, would you mind leading me in the next dance?” Esther didn’t wait for his response, but expected him to follow as she headed towards the couples forming the next set. Sidney nodded to Babbers, and ignored Crowe as he followed Esther, thankful for the distraction.  
Lady Esther Babington had become quite a presence in the social set of London. She was elegant, rich, titled, and possessed of a sharp wit. She also was a scarce commodity - the Babingtons were not often in London, and so when they were in town, she was always a noteworthy addition to any social event. Many eyes followed her and Sidney as their dance began. “We seem to be quite the novelty,” Esther noted to Sidney.  
“How could we not be? Marriage suits you and you are aglow this evening. I doubt there is anyone more beautiful here.”  
“Why Sidney Parker. Where do these compliments come from? Unlike you.” She looked at him, gauging her ability to broach sensitive topics. “Have you been practicing on Mrs. Philips? I doubt that. If it’s the same Mrs. Charlotte Philips that I am acquainted with, flattery was never a value of hers.” Esther’s gaze was level and assessing.  
“Indeed. I assure you, Mrs. Philips is as you remember her.”  
“And is she as you remember her?”  
Sidney looked down at his dance partner, unsure of how much to confess. “She is.”  
“Hmmm. “ Esther said to him as she curtsied to end the dance. When he straightened from his bow she continued, “And I am guessing she is, at the same time, much more. How much more will she become, I wonder. I will not press. Now. Mr. Parker. We’ve made enough of a spectacle. Return me to Lord Babington and we’ll leave it at that.”  
Upon returning Esther to her husband, Sidney excused himself for a moment to go in search of fresh air. He was unaccustomed to the noise and numbers of people, many of whom would stare at the novelty of the unknowable Mr. Parker in their midst. He found refuge in a small alcoved chamber with an open window, and thought to light up a smoke, when he heard a slight cough behind him.  
“Mr. Sidney Parker? I presume that it is in fact you?” Sidney turned. He had missed the woman sitting on a damasked chair to the side of the entry to the private space.  
“Lady Worcster. Yes. A pleasure.” He bent over her hand. Lady Worcster looked exceedingly well. A few more lines around the lips and eyes, but still a remarkably elegant woman. “Sorry to disturb your solitude.”  
“Not at all. You are not a disturbance in the least. Rather, I would say you might even be a happy distraction from all the fuss in the other rooms.”  
“A happy distraction, my lady? When last we met, as I recall, you were a trifle displeased with me . . .though I will aim to suit.”  
Lady Susan Worcster gave an amused laugh. “Yes, well. That may be true, but that was some time ago. And you have been travelling, I understand?” Her ability to move the conversation past awkward moments was one of the reasons she was still a treasure in high society circles. “Switzerland, the Antigua, if I’m not mistaken?”  
“You are well informed, Lady Worcster. And since returning to England, lately I have also spent time in XXX.” Sidney was curious to see how she would respond to that bit of news. Lady Susan must surely still be in contact with Charlotte, though Sidney could not be sure of the extent of their particular friendship.  
“Now that is most diverting news. I was certain you would provide some entertainment to enliven this dreary event, and I see I was not wrong. Tell me, surely you have seen Mrs. Charlotte Philips?” Sidney was pleased to see he had genuinely surprised her. She had not been expecting that he would reacquaint himself with Charlotte. He hoped to surprise her still more.  
“I have seen and visited with Mrs. Philips, yes. She is quite well, I assure you. Though I am hoping she will soon be known as Mrs. Parker. . .” Sidney let his voice trail off as he watched Lady Susan’s reaction to his open declaration.  
“Shocking. Simply shocking Mr. Parker. Now this has become an evening.” She stared at him, quite taken aback. “I have always remarked that you were a man of certain reserve. I am beside myself with wonder that you would be so frank with me.”  
Sidney decided to take a further chance with her. “Lady Susan, it seems to me that you were aware of a certain understanding between Charlotte and myself some years ago. I want to assure you that for my part, that connection was very real, and continues to this day.”  
“Hmmm.” Lady Susan mused. “I am never wrong in matters of the heart. Yes, that connection was very real and the severing of it was very painful for my particular friend, regardless of the reason.”  
“I assure you it was not an easy decision on my part.”  
“No, yet it was your decision. She had to live with it. And live with it she did, though, I confess to you I had my doubts about how she chose to do so. She quite blocked you out, it seemed.”  
“Yes, I am aware. She has said as much since. I remember her being in your company, actually, that December. She wouldn't even look at me. It was as if I didn’t exist.”  
“That December, yes, I recall the theater that night. She’d already agreed to marry Captain Philips at that point. He’d quite eclipsed any past, you see, with his bright attentions to her. I had her join me in London that December to fit her wedding trousseau. Though really, it was for me to see if she were, in fact, in love with Captain Philips and over you, Mr. Sidney Parker.” Her eyes challenged him.  
“And what were you able to ascertain, may I ask?” Sidney lifted his eyebrows and tried to convey his usual indifferent attitude, but it was evident he was keen for a response.  
Lady Susan was not fooled by his demeanor. “As we’re being so frank with one another, I shall tell you. When Charlotte first wrote that she’d accepted Captain Philips’ suit, I was less than pleased. He, much like you I suppose, had a bit of reputation. Upon reflection, it seems there is an appeal in the dangerous for our dear Charlotte. But that is neither here nor there. I was less concerned about his past, you understand. I was more concerned with the possibility that she had chosen him purely out of anger or frustration with how the situation in Sanditon ended. When she visited, she owned that initially, her connection with the Captain was reactive. In short, he was not you. It seemed that over time, however, those very differences became the basis for a very real affection. Captain Philips was consistent and open in his admiration for her. She appreciated never having to guess at his intentions. He had no entanglements or interests that obscured his desire or ability to offer Charlotte a future and a home together. Captain Philips was handsome, warm, and generous with her. He was loyal. He made her laugh. So. When she was with me in December, I was able to find a degree of comfort in the fact that she would be happy with a man who was so obviously in love with her, and she, in turn returned the feeling.” Lady Susan looked intently at Sidney. “I was not comforted about the second part of the question - which concerned being over you. I am never wrong in matters of the heart. Hers, at least some hidden part of it, still belonged to you.” 

These revelations made Sidney agitated. His emotions covered a wide gamut of reactions.  
He was devastated at the recriminations inherent in the descriptions of Captain Philips’ attractions. For years Sidney Parker had cultivated and been proud of his reputation of being cold and aloof. To hear that Charlotte was drawn to the open and warm Captain Philips cut him to the quick. That she had never doubted Captain Philips’ intentions laid his own failings in that regard bare.  
He felt some small modicum of relief that Charlotte had deservedly sought and found happiness after he had married Eliza.  
Mostly, however, Lady Susan’s words inspired in him that most electric cocktail of emotions - the combination of hope and resolve.  
“I hope you are right about that last part. I shall endeavour to earn that part of her heart back. Of that I can assure you.”  
Lady Susan gave him a determined nod. “I believe that you will.”  
Sidney Parker bent over her hand and took his leave.  
He swept quickly through the assembly rooms, bid a quick farewell to the Babingtons, and as Crowe was nowhere to be found, made his own way into the London night. His feelings were too high to be constrained in the stuffy rooms. He needed the cool air and a brisk walk home to clear his head and to prepare himself to win Charlotte as his own once and for all.


	7. CH. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Crowe inadvertently advances the cause - with zero elegance, but good humour. Charlotte and Sidney both need to stop protecting themselves from the pains of the past . . .

Ch. 7

Charlotte had been upstairs taking a private moment after settling little Robin for his afternoon nap when Mrs. Brook informed her she had a gentleman caller below. Her heart fluttered; she knew Sidney was with Caleb at the horse farm, and she was expecting his visit later in the day. This seemed early. She smoothed her gown and hair, and went to meet her guest.

A relieved gasp of laughter escaped her as she beheld Mr. Crowe standing by the windows in her sitting room. “Mr. Crowe. This is unexpected. I didn’t think I’d see you until tomorrow evening at your brother’s ball.” She didn’t want to explore why the thought of seeing Mr. Parker made her so nervous. “It’s a pleasure to see you nonetheless. Tea? Won’t you sit?”

Crowe nodded in a distracted manner and moved to the chair near the table that Charlotte gestured to. “Thank you, Mrs. Philips. Yes, I came early with Mr. Parker and as he is detained today I thought to pay a call. Ahem. “ He tried to adjust himself to his seat, but seemed to be having a hard time getting comfortable.

“What news from London? “ She tried to distract him, as she could sense his unease. 

“London is as it ever was. I’m beginning to see why you despise it so. Crowded. Wet. The same people talking about the same silly scandals . . .”  
“And I hope you are not currently party to any of these scandals?”  
“Goodness no. You need have no fears on that account. Apparently I usually drink enough wine to float on by any possibility of social danger. I did see the Babingtons though. Both seemed well. Though that Lady B is still a bit prickly to my way of thinking.”  
Charlotte smiled at his description of Esther. It seemed Mr. Crowe had never forgiven Esther for marrying his good friend and being a competitor for Babbers attention. She poured tea for the two of them and they sat quietly for a moment or two before Mr. Crowe set his tea down, scooted forward in his seat and started again.  
“So. Ah. Speaking of prickly, I do have something rather delicate to say. Ahem. I’d like to start by telling you that I’ve appreciated our little arrangement this past year or so and . . .”  
“Oh my. You’d like to start by . . .that sound vaguely ominous.” Charlotte interrupted him with a small chuckle. She stood up and walked towards a cabinet against the wall. “This seems like you might need more fortitude to continue this conversation. Ah. Here we are.” She pulled something from behind the cabinet door. “Captain Philips never did care for port - which I’ve noticed is more to your taste - but he did often have a bit of rum. Maybe a splash of that might help?” She poured him a small tumbler of the golden brown liquor and set it on the table in front of him. He looked up with an expression of happy surprise.  
“My dear Mrs. Philips. You are wonderfully perceptive.” He sipped at the rum and smiled at Charlotte. “Captain Philips had excellent taste.” His eyes shifted down to the glass in his hand and he sighed. “Let me start again. I find myself surprised that, given how we met, that we have become friends of a sort. I have appreciated our time together this past year or more. I wanted to say that when things change, because of Sidney, I wanted to say that I hope you and I can still be friends. I never got on with Lady Babington, but I would like to say that I am friends with the wife of at least one of my friends.” Crowe became unnerved at the expression on Charlotte’s face. “Uh. Blast it. I’m expressing myself badly, I’ve never been good at this sort of thing.”  
“No, no, Mr. Crowe, it’s not you, “ Charlotte tried to comfort him, but needed some clarification. “I think I’m flattered by what you are trying to say. Yes, yes, I agree, I, too have appreciated our friendship these past two years. Or more. And I’m hoping it can continue. I’m counting on it, in fact, especially for tomorrow! But I’m a bit confused by your reference to Lady Esther or to Mr. Parker. You said when things change? What’s happened?”  
Crowe looked genuinely abashed and went quite pale. He took another swig of his rum. “Yes, yes, of course you can count on me for the ball tomorrow night, if you want. But what about Sidney? He’ll be at the ball and you and he . . .it’ll be different won’t it? I mean, do you want it to be different?” Mr. Crowe was tracking the expression on her face and couldn’t understand the wrinkles forming between her eyes as she appeared to be more and more confused by his words. “Wait. Don’t you love him? Why don’t you want to marry him? I don’t understand.”  
“I’m sure I don’t understand either, Mr. Crowe. What are you going on about?” Charlotte’s heart was racing.  
“Sidney told me he’d been writing you. That he loved you. Again. Still. He wants to mar. . .”  
“Mr. Crowe, I assure you, the only thing I know about what you’ve just said is that yes, Mr. Parker and I have been writing. He has struck up a particular friendship with Caleb and I was helping with arrangements for today’s visit. Certainly, we have written more than just details of the farm, but nothing so intimate as you suggest!” She was quite agitated. Certainly in her private moments Charlotte had allowed hope to bloom that things might develop with Mr. Parker, but that was always tempered by her fears and past experiences. She stared at Mr. Crowe, quite shaken by his pronouncements.  
Mr. Crowe could see that he’d upset her. He reached across the table and awkwardly patted her hand. “I apologize dear Charlotte. I am abysmal at this. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was thinking of myself. Throughout all this, I want you to know that I value our friendship and that no matter what happens between you and Sidney, whether you accept him or not, I am here. There. That’s what I wanted to say.” He took another healthy swig of rum, then set his glass down decisively, as if the drink had settled everything.  
Charlotte looked at him, her heartbeat still racing. “Do you think . . .I mean to say. I’ll just be direct. Did Mr. Parker talk about marriage?” Charlotte winced at her own forthrightness.  
Mr. Crowe nodded most decisively. “I told him you didn’t need to marry. You have what you need - a stable home and income, respectability.” He looked at her, a trifle embarrassed. “What you don’t have is . . .well . . .um . . .a physical companion?” Mr. Crowe didn’t know where to look and was turning quite red.  
“I see.” Charlotte went quite still and felt herself calming. “There is also the question of love.” She said quietly. She rallied. “But you’re right, Mr. Crowe. Quite. I don’t need to marry. So. It doesn’t matter what you’ve revealed. Nothing matters until Mr. Parker says or does something. And that, I’m sad to say, has been an issue before - he may in fact say nothing.” She crossed her arms across her chest, quite determined to not be affected by Mr. Crowe’s admission. Her armor was falling back into place.  
Suddenly a funny laugh came from Mr. Crowe. “You know, Mrs. Philips, if, as you suggest, nothing comes to pass, and Sidney fails to rally . . .well, regarding the physical companionship piece, you and I could . . .”  
“I beg you to not finish that sentence!” Charlotte interrupted her friend. She held up her hand and looked over at Mr. Crowe. She was relieved to see his usual irreverent expression in place. The man was a rascal - his grin was complete evidence that he meant only to shock and tease.  
“Again, I apologize Mrs. Philips. Let’s blame it on the Captain’s excellent rum, shall we? Regardless of my uncouth suggestion, and my blundering assumptions about you and Sidney, can I rely on you to be my dance partner tomorrow evening?”  
Charlotte smiled and nodded at him. “Most definitely. Meet me at the carriage round, and I’ll count on you for at the very least the first two sets. I’ll need to leave early - Mrs. Brook is only willing to stay so late with the boys - so you may have to fend for yourself for the second half of the evening. You’ll behave won’t you?”  
Mr. Crowe stood and took her hand and kissed it. “You can depend on me.”  
The friends were interrupted at this point by a gentle knock behind them and a throat clearing sound. They turned to see Mrs. Brook with Mr. Sidney Parker standing in the door of the sitting room.  
“Another visitor ma’am.”  
“Sidney” Crowe warmly greeted his friend at the same time that Charlotte said “Thank you Mrs. Brook. Mr. Parker.”  
There was a bit of awkward greeting among the three. Sidney refused tea, as he was quite muddy and horsey after the day.  
He assured Charlotte that the day had passed smoothly and that he had returned with Caleb who was at that moment getting cleaned up in the scullery.  
“All is as it should be then,” cheerily resumed Mr. Crowe. “What say you then Sidney? Shall we head to my brother’s house to get you more presentable?”  
“Of course. How embarrassing. Yes I’m quite a fool here in my mud. Mrs. Philips, I will be seeing you tomorrow evening?” Charlotte nodded, suddenly nervous in front of Mr. Parker. “Then Mrs. Philips I will also claim a dance, and perhaps a moment to chat, since we haven’t had that chance this evening.”  
Charlotte nodded again, feeling her armor and resolve dissolve around her, and taking away all her attempts at indifference to Sidney Parker’s attentions. “I’m looking forward to it. Gentlemen, I’ll see you out.” She put herself into motion so as not to fall apart in front of them.  
She stood at her front door and gave her hand first to Crowe who pressed her hand warmly and gave her a quick smile and wink, then she turned to Mr. Parker.  
She couldn’t stop the tremble in her hand as he stood before her and kissed her hand, looking into her face with open curiosity. Oh dear, she thought. Mr. Crowe’s words about physical companionship flashed through her mind. She needed to get intimate thoughts of Sidney Parker out of her head if she didn’t want to run the risk of being burned again. She slowly pulled her hand back and hid it in her skirts as she took a step back into the doorway.  
“Goodbye Mrs. Philips. Til tomorrow” Sidney’s voice was low and gentle.  
She took a deep breath, blinked slowly, then nodded to him.  
He did not take his eyes from her as he stepped backwards. Finally, he turned and joined Mr. Crowe, and the two of them headed off with a last wave.  
She stood still and watched them disappear down the lane. She was finally distracted by Caleb’s voice calling from inside “Missus Charlotte?”. She shook her head, cleared her thoughts and returned to the reliable stability of her domestic duties.

The same butterflies flitted through Charlotte’s stomach as the carriage carrying her and her aunt and uncle pulled to the entrance of the Crowe estate the next evening. She felt some small comfort in seeing the familiar figure of Mr. Crowe, waiting to help her alight from the carriage. He greeted Captain Heywood and Mrs. Heywood, then handed Charlotte down. She tried to convince herself that this evening was no different from any other. With Mr. Crowe, it was easy to keep her imagination in check. It felt normal. The weather had been damp earlier in the day, but the evening was clear, if a bit cool. Mr. Crowe escorted her quickly inside so she didn’t take a chill. He helped her with her cloak, and as they turned to join the assembled guests, Charlotte reached over to straighten his cravat. He looked down at her and smiled. “Why, you’re nervous Mrs. Philips!” he finished gently, “don’t be. Nothing needs to be decided tonight. Take your time.” He took her arm and looped it through his. “Nothing to worry about.” And he lead her into the ballroom.  
Like at the shooting event, the Crowe family knew how to entertain with taste and elegance. The rooms were proportioned nicely and the guests were easily integrated into the comfortable space. Some groups were chatting at the sides of the galleries, others had found tables with drinks or with small plates to enjoy. Both Mr. Crowe and Charlotte greeted acquaintances as they moved into the rooms. Couples were forming for the dancing to begin. “Shall we Mrs. Philips?” Crowe led Charlotte onto the floor.  
The two danced well as a couple, and Sidney was not the only person to remark on the pair. As at prior events, Charlotte and Mr. Crowe were easily matched and quite elegant. Sidney tried not to be jealous of Crowe as Charlotte laughed and smiled with him. He understood they were doing what was expected of them, but he was impatient to have a moment with Charlotte in his arms. He recalled having to wait for her to move through several other dance partners before having time with her at the fateful mid-summer ball in Sanditon years ago. He resolved that this ball would be different.  
Crowe looked around the room as he lead Charlotte into the second dance of the evening. He could see Sidney glowering in the corner and shook his head ruefully. He looked down into Charlotte’s happy face. “Well, my dear, I’m going to have to go in search of a drink after this set. Will you be ready for me to hand you off to Mr. Parker? Are you quite composed?” he teased her gently.  
“Quite composed, Mr. Crowe.” She smiled at him merrily. “Nothing like dancing to restore oneself.” She seemed entirely herself and he couldn’t detect any of the nervous energy from earlier. He nodded to her and then continued the dance. He caught Sidney’s eye during one of the next passes and gestured to his throat. Sidney immediately understood that his friend was headed for drinks. As the dance ended, Crowe took Charlotte’s hand and led her to Sidney across the dance floor.  
“Sidney. I’m parched and done for. Charlotte, however, needs another partner.” He placed Charlotte’s hand on Sidney’s arm. “Take good care of her, eh?” He turned away from Sidney, smiled encouragingly at Charlotte, gave her a cheeky wink, and headed for the libations.  
Sidney looked down at Charlotte, who was staring at her hand on Sidney’s arm. He took a deep breath, “Mrs. Philips? Shall we?” He was stunned when she lifted her eyes to his. She was breathtaking. Her long lashes framed her warm brown eyes that twinkled as they looked back at him. Her cheeks were still flushed from dancing and her full lips teased upwards into a brilliant smile.  
“But there are so many other ladies you could ask . . .” she wondered if he remembered.  
His heart thudded in his chest. It took him no time to respond, “AH. But I don’t want to dance with them, “ and with that he led her to the dance floor.  
He knew right away that he was holding her too close. He knew he should look up and around and act more impersonal. He should watch the guests watching them. That was what was supposed to happen. The indifferent polite partner. That was appropriate. That was also impossible. He couldn’t look away from her eyes and face. Her hand felt too perfect in his and his hand on her back was the only thing keeping him anchored. When she spun out of his grasp with the tempo of the dance and then returned to place her hand on his shoulder, he pulled her in even closer. As the dance pulled them into steps that were back to back, their fingers sought each other and were entwined. Again face to face for the final spin and then there were supposed to be steps back, but Sidney did not release Charlotte. They were both breathing heavily, and standing close, her hand on his chest, his at her back. Sidney broke the interlocked gaze and looked down. He tensed his jaw and stepped away.  
Charlotte put her hand to her throat and smiled at him, to break the tension “Mr. Parker, shall we look for some refreshment? Maybe Mr. Crowe had the right idea?”  
He offered her his arm. She was careful to keep one step between them as they moved into the crowd. She caught her aunt’s eye as they moved towards the edge of the room. Her aunt’s eyes slid past her and onto Mr. Parker, bright with worry. Charlotte felt a twinge of concern. What had her aunt perceived? Had others detected her attraction to Sidney? How differently she had danced with him versus with Mr. Crowe? She looked around to measure any other reactions in the room. She was comforted to see no-one paying any mind. The crowd was happily self involved. Charlotte, was therefore unconcerned when she felt Sidney’s hand at her back again and him taking her hand to guide her into a seat. He took the seat next to her and handed her a coupe of champagne. She had barely lifted the glass to her lips when they were joined by Mr. Crowe and her uncle. Sidney stood to shake Captain Heywood’s hand.  
“Captain. An honor to see you again sir.”  
“Mr. Parker. Capital of you to have come again so soon.”  
“Well, sir, it was at Mr. Crowe’s invitation.”  
“Am I the attraction that drew you here? Thank you Sidney, but I find that unlikely.” Crowe asked, feigning all innocence. “Surely Mrs. Philips outshines us all?” She toasted Mr. Crowe with her glass as she took another sip. Charlotte could feel her composure return with the addition of Mr. Crowe and her uncle to their party. She felt less exposed.  
“She does at that. Whether it is shooting, sailing, or dancing, she is ever the brightest.” concurred Sidney. Charlotte had to take another sip to keep her mouth from hanging open. Flattery in the open from Sidney Parker. “Would you care to dance again, Mrs. Parker?” Sidney asked. He knew it was perhaps too soon to ask for another dance, but he was impatient with having to share her company.  
“Yes, do have another dance, Charlotte. Your aunt and I will need to carriage you home before too long. Best take advantage of your handsome partners while you can.” Captain Heywood nodded to them amiably as he headed off in search of his wife. Crowe gave little wave of his fingers as he melted into the crowd after the Captain.  
“Mrs. Philips?” Sidney held out his hand. Charlotte regarded him with a small smile playing about her lips. He looked so serious to be asking to dance. Well, as her uncle said, he was a most handsome partner. Still looking at him, she took a last sip of champagne, set the glass down, and took his hand. She couldn’t say no. She loved to dance and she loved . . .wait. Did she love Sidney Parker?  
The dance he led her into was perhaps safer than the last. It involved partner switches. Charlotte watched him smile down at her each time they rejoined as a pair. Her other partners were pleasant enough, but their smiles were polite. Sidney’s smile she felt in her toes. She could feel the difference in how he wrapped his arm around her waist to turn her. There was an electricity there that made her pulse quicken. What was Sidney Parker doing to her? She fanned her face as the dance came to a close. “Warm? Come, let’s look for some fresh air.” Sidney led her away from the next set forming and towards the bank of windows at the end of the ball room. 

There were other guests nearby, but Sidney found a window that had been opened to let in a slight cooling breeze. They stood together catching their breath, taking a moment away from the energy and frivolity of the party. It was obviously a successful evening. Charlotte could see Crowe with a group of lovely young ladies, several of whom had their hands over their mouths in mock dismay at whatever undoubtedly inappropriate tale Crowe was regaling them with. She smiled in affection at her most unlikely friend.  
Her attention was drawn back to Sidney, who cleared his throat. “Mrs. Philips. I, ahem, I wanted to say what a pleasure it is to have time at this ball with you alone.”  
She noticed again how serious his expression was, compared to how light he’d looked while dancing. “I agree Mr. Parker.” She smiled at him. “I do love to dance. It’s a lovely party, don’t you think?” She tried to keep an easy tone, sensing a different tension between them.  
He nodded and looked away, then immediately his attention came back to her face with the intensity of a hot blaze.  
“This party could be even more lovely Charlotte if you’d agree to be my wife. I find I love you, most ardently. And rather than wait, as I foolishly did before, to tell you, I must speak now. I know you don’t need to marry. And I don’t have anything to offer you besides myself. My heart. It’s yours. If you’ll have me?” He had grasped at her hand at this last declaration, and stood looking at her, quite agitated.  
Charlotte was stunned. Even with what Mr. Crowe had said the previous day, she had been totally unprepared for Sidney’s blunt confession and proposal. She looked down at her hand in his, and then up into his face, which didn’t hold a trace of happiness or joy, only that serious Sidney Parker reserve.  
“Mr. Parker,” she whispered. “Sidney.” She squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. “You have surprised me. I wonder why you don’t look . . .” she started to ask why he didn’t look happy when she was interrupted.  
“Charlotte! There you are!” Her aunt stood before them looking at Sidney and Charlotte and at their hands. “OH. My. My dear, ah, the carriage has been called. Captain Heywood and I will be waiting.” Mrs. Heywood glanced again at them, then turned and bustled away, throwing one alarmed look over her shoulder before edging into the crowd.  
“Mr. Parker.” She squeezed his hand again to bring his focus back to her. He had gone quite pale from her aunt’s abrupt arrival and subsequent departure and was still staring at where she’d disappeared. “Thank you so much for your beautiful words and kind offer. I need to go, but I want to . . .Sidney? Can you give me some time to think? To consider? I wasn’t expecting this and it’s quite overwhelming, really. The boys, my house, London, I just . . .” Tears started forming in Charlotte’s eyes as the gravity of the situation began to sink in.

Sidney looked down at their linked hands, and squeezed them gently together. He raised his eyes to her face. Seeing the tears forming, he lifted one hand and gently wiped them away, his fingers lightly tracing her face. Charlotte choked out a sob. He cleared his throat, and then pulled his hands behind his back. “Whatever you need. Time. Yes. Of course. What a fool I am. I guess it is a bit of a shock?” Finally he met her eyes and grinned, like a school boy’s smile. “Here. I’ll walk you to your aunt and uncle.” He offered her his arm. That grin was like the sun coming out after a storm. A bit lopsided, totally charming, and for her alone. Suddenly Charlotte felt relieved. That was her Sidney Parker; not that cold reserved man that she first met and that she thought she had just seen again. She took a deep steadying breath and returned a small nervous smile. She nodded her thanks to him, recognizing that she was not the only one with armor to shed. 

She took his arm, and this time pulled into him warmly as they walked together through the crowd. She smiled up at him as he helped her with her cloak, her aunt and uncle a discreet distance away near the carriage.  
“Mr. Parker I will be away for a few days visiting Mrs. Georgiana Montague. Perhaps we could arrange a more substantial conversation upon my return?”  
He shot her a quick smile, with his eyebrows raised. “Til your return, then.” He kissed her hand and assisted both her and her aunt into their waiting carriage.  
His friend Crowe came to wait with him at the door. Crowe clapped his hand onto Sidney’s shoulder and together they watched until Mrs. Philips’ carriage disappeared into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kind support and enthusiasm for this version of Sanditon part 2. I can see a wrap up in 2 more chapters. . .please stay til the end?


	8. CH. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we get to the thick of it . . .Charlotte takes some time to reflect, and Sidney seizes his chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience. Be ready for some mature audience events . . . I hope you enjoy - I took some chances (and so did our characters).

Ch. 8

Charlotte never liked being away from Robby or Caleb. This time, however, the two days on her own were appreciated. She needed to think, away from the distractions of home and family. She needed to reflect on what Sidney Parker had said, and what he had offered, and who he was, and who they might become. She sighed, and settled back into the carriage cushions, staring out the window at the passing early winter landscape. The ride to Georgiana’s small estate would take at least half a day. Though that might not be enough time to bring clarity or resolution to the confused thoughts spinning in her head, she could at least try and find a place of calm in her heart. 

Not quite three months ago, her life had been simple. She had expected that steady simplicity to last indefinitely. She had a home, she had her son, she had Caleb, and she had a comfortable social circle with her aunt and uncle. On occasion there was the varied company that her association with the Crowe estate brought. It wasn’t a glittering London life, nor even as lively as Sanditon had been, but it was enough. She felt like her experiences of the Sanditon summer had made her leary of, and even fatigued by, the demands of fashionable society. She felt content with her life in XXX.

Sidney Parker challenged that sense of contentment. The boys liked him and were drawn to him. She’d thought her uncle and visits from her brothers might be enough to fill the gap of a father figure, but now she wondered if that was enough. She, too, was of course drawn to Sidney Parker. She’d enjoyed being married; she’d liked the easy companionship of shared meals and shared spaces. And, she’d enjoyed sharing a marriage bed. She hadn’t thought about missing those parts of her life until Sidney Parker put them back in her thoughts, sometimes quite vividly. In moments of honesty, she recognized that she absolutely could happily see Sidney Parker being a father to Caleb and to Robby, and a husband to her. She could imagine Robby perched on Sidney’s shoulders, like he had done coming home from her aunt and uncle’s house, as they walked the beach. Caleb needed so much physical attention, it would be nice to share that with Sidney. Thinking about sharing a bed with Sidney made her cheeks flush, even riding alone in the carriage. The question remained whether she felt ready to risk her heart to him and to marriage again.

Where Sidney Parker was concerned, she’d been burnt before. He’d had ample opportunity to declare himself in Sanditon, but he had hesitated and held off until it was too late. Sidney was often drawn to and influenced by the expectations of London life. It had caused delay and confusion in their understanding of each other before. And of course he had had family demands in Sandton, too. He possibly still had property in Antigua. Would those interests again eclipse his ability to commit to Charlotte and her boys?

Even when she set her doubts about Sidney Parker aside, she had the memories of losing Captain Philips to contend with. Sidney had left her behind when he married Eliza, and Captain Philips had left her behind, too. The actions of both men were defensible, or honorable even - the potential penurie of Tom’s family and the mortal illness of the Captain’s crew - but both resulted in Charlotte being alone. Could she risk that pain again? This depressing turn of mind made Charlotte restless. Staring out at the wintry landscape, she resolved that she’d put it from her mind for a while. She needed to focus on the happiness of Georgiana’s coming child. She’d think about Sidney later.

Mr. Bastien Montague, Esquire, was waiting to greet Charlotte as the carriage drove her to the entrance of the lovely private estate. He was a most gracious host, handing Charlotte down himself. He had a young stable boy take Charlotte’s small luggage inside to her rooms, then directed the coach to the stables in town. They would return in two days time to return Charlotte to XXX. Mr. Montague led Charlotte into the entry himself. They were met by the housekeeper, who collected Charlotte’s cloak and bonnet, and directed her and Mr. Montague into a side parlor where some light refreshments were waiting.  
“You’ll have to excuse us, Madame Charlotte,” he explained. “We keep a very small household staff. Perhaps it is prejudice of skin tone, perhaps it is prejudice because I am French, but we have had some challenges with reliability and trustworthiness with past servants. We are currently quite happy with our help - we are like a little family, you see - but maybe it is not what you are used to?”  
“I assure you, Monsieur Bastien, this is already far grander than what I am used to. I have Mr. and Mrs. Brook who help me with my household, and that is all. I want to thank you for your hospitality. I’m so pleased to visit you both. How is the mother to be? How is Georgiana?”  
“It is I - or rather we - who are in gratitude to you for the visit. And before I take you to Georgiana, I wanted to have a moment, just we two, to discuss some matters that are personally pressing for me. If that is all right?” Bastien Montague leaned forward and extended his hand most sincerely. Charlotte smiled in return. She was genuinely fond of this Frenchman that Georgiana had married.  
“Of course. I’m happy to be of assistance in whatever way necessary.”  
“Excellent. I was hoping you wouldn’t think me too forward. Things are sometimes different in England or France.” He settled back in his seat and took a sip of tea. “Here is the first matter of my concern. I must be leaving you and my lady tomorrow. There is some business in London I must see to before the child arrives. The child is still some weeks away, we think, so this will be a good chance to set affairs in order. You being here will provide the, ah, the distraction for Georgiana so that I may leave her. You are comfortable with this arrangement?” He raised his eyes to meet hers, to see if Charlotte were, in fact, amenable to these plans. “I will be taking my manservant with me. He is my valet and my protection, both. Sometimes it is not so safe for me. You ladies will be fine here, yes? There is a man, Kyle, at the inn in town. Send him to London if there is a problem. He will find me if need be. We have a network, you see. Sometimes, the English, they don’t do what we pay for. We have found other resources that are more sure.”  
Charlotte nodded, and took a sip of her tea, processing all that was being said, and all that was left unsaid. “I assure you Monsieur Bastien, we will be quite fine in your absence. I hope you will be able to conclude your business swiftly so you will return perfectly ready for the baby’s arrival.”  
“That is my hope, also. And now Madame Charlotte I want to address my second pressing matter. And this has to do with the arrival of the child.” He took a deep breath and faced Charlotte squarely. “You are a mother. You have been with child. Perhaps for you it was the same. I don’t know. My Georgiana, you see, she is more demanding these recent days. She has wants. And she has complaints. And she is not so patient. Not with me, not with Crockett, nor with the housekeeper. I imagine she will be so with you. Do you know this?”  
Charlotte reached across the table and patted Monsieur Bastien Montague on the hand. His handsome face reflected concern, probably both for his wife, and for Charlotte. He was sure she would leave at the first sign of Georgiana's pique.  
She laughed warmly. “Yes, I think I understand what you're talking about. Georgiana is not always the easiest of companions, even in full health. I imagine she is nearly unmanageable here in the last weeks of her term. You must have the patience of a saint.” Bastien closed his eyes and nodded at Charlotte, happy to have been completely understood. “Don’t worry Monsieur Bastien. I am made of sterner stuff. I will stay and be at her beck and call until you return. She cannot scare me away. Think nothing of it.”  
He clasped Charlotte’s hand in gratitude. “You are a true friend. You indeed have the measure of her. Let me take you to her at once.”

Georgiana was lounging on a chaise in a comfortable sitting room with a view out to the wooded grounds of the estate. Crockett was with her, finishing up some braiding in her hair. Georgiana was delighted to see her friend, and Charlotte gave her an awkward embrace, as Georgiana could not quite easily get up to her feet.  
“Charlotte! When did you arrive? Bastien, have you given her tea? Charlotte, sit here. Crockett, leave off my hair. Now. Charlotte. Give me all the gossip. I’m dying of boredom. Ugh. These two won’t let me do anything. I’m big as a house, but I still want to do something. Thank goodness you’ve come. Bastien, Crockett, leave us. We have things to discuss. See that housekeeper has dinner ready for 6. And no eels. Ah. That smell.” Georgiana scolded and complained, but eventually everything and everyone was settled to please her, and Charlotte could enjoy her friend.  
“Have you heard,” Charlotte began, “Lady Susan writes that the Beaufort sisters are back in London again for this season, and still as silly as ever.”  
“Oh pish posh, I care nothing for that. I want to hear about you, you sly creature. What are you about? I hear from Arthur that Sidney has been writing to you. Oh, the grand Sidney Parker came here to visit, but breathed not a word of it. Butter wouldn’t melt in that man’s mouth, I do swear it, he is always so cool. But I can see from the blush on your cheeks that something is afoot. Talk. What do you think of the man?”  
Charlotte didn’t know where to begin. Georgiana had been so critical of Sidney in the past. Had she been right? “It is true, what Arthur says, I mean. And they all came to visit just two weeks past or so. As for Mr. Parker being so cold, I’ve had quite a different experience with him of late.”  
“Well, he is a bit changed, I’ll own that. He was thoughtful to come visit, and most attentive to me - different from how it used to be when all he wanted to do was leave me with Mrs. Griffiths. And Bastien adores him. They even talked some business or other together. But he reveals nothing about his sentiment, at least to me.”  
“Yes, well, he has revealed some to me. He said he loved me. He wants to marry.”  
“Marry? He wants to marry you?” Georgiana looked stunned. “And would you have him? After all that happened? My dear Charlotte, have you answered him? Tell me you haven’t answered him?”  
“No, actually, I haven’t. I asked for some time. To think. I’m not sure what to think. I’m befuddled, as Lady Susan would say.”  
Georgiana leveled a stern gaze at her friend. She sighed dramatically. Then she turned her attention to the vista of the wooded grounds, where a grey twilight was casting long wintry shadows. “I liked your Captain Philips. He was handsome, and engaging, and everyone could tell he loved you. He was easy. Now, Sidney, I never knew who he loved. He was a complicated man. Before. He said he didn’t want to ruin your happiness. Then he did. Then he was a mess - an absolute horror to be around, and I should know - I was glad when he left for Switzerland. Now he’s back and he’s, well, yes I said, changed. He’s sorry for how he treated me. He’s making amends. I think he does love you. Truly. Could you love him?”  
Charlotte picked at the seam on her sleeve. The crux was that she did love him, but she was scared. She was scared to be open again, and she was scared of being left behind. “Maybe,” was the only answer she felt safe giving her friend.  
Georgiana huffed at her. “Maybe? Oh please. Charlotte Philips, you are one of bravest people I know and all you can say is maybe? You love Sidney Parker and I think you should - oof” Georgiana leaned forward with her hand on her belly.  
Charlotte reached for her friend in alarm. “Georgiana? Is everything all right?”  
“Fine, yes, fine. Whew. The baby apparently has some opinions on the matter, too, and insisted on kicking and letting them be known. I think maybe I’ll rest a bit before dinner. Crockett! Bastien? Help me up Charlotte.” And with that the conversation ended and the more pressing concern of Georgiana’s comfort took over. 

Georgiana rested for a few hours, then joined Charlotte and Bastien for a light dinner. The evening had turned grey and wet, and after a short round of cards and reading, everyone retired early for the night. Georgiana needed her rest, Charlotte was tired from her journey and from thinking about the conundrum of Sidney Parker, and Bastien wanted to be ready at first light to head to London.

The next morning was still grey and wet. Bastien had indeed left early, and so Charlotte was left to her own devices that morning as Georgiana took her leisure in the early part of the day. The house was quiet, as there was just herself, Crockett and the housekeeper present. She assumed the stable boy was about, too, but perhaps not indoors, though the weather was inclement. Mid-morning found Charlotte reading in the study. Crockett knocked and came in to inform Charlotte that Georgiana was awake, but feeling poorly, and wouldn’t be coming down. Crockett gave Charlotte an eyebrow lift that made Charlotte wonder the nature of Georgiana’s malady. She went with Crockett back to Georgiana’s chambers. Georgiana shooed them both away - but not before Crockett had a chance to remove the untouched breakfast tray, and for Charlotte to see a light sheen of sweat on her friend’s forehead, and her ashen distant look. Charlotte resolved to give her friend an hour before checking on her again, and asked Crockett to station herself near Georgiana’s door.  
Indeed it was less than an hour later when Georgiana called Crockett in to her, and Charlotte soon followed. Charlotte and Crockett exchanged a look; it was apparent that Georgiana was in labor. The two women managed to get the grouchy Georgiana out of bed and walking about to ease the labor pains. They were still quite far apart, but Georgiana was out of sorts and scared. Crockett soothed her mistress, assuring her that the baby would be fine, and though early, everything was ready.  
At this point, Charlotte slipped out of the room to alert the housekeeper. The housekeeper set about making a tisane, and preparing water, blankets and sheets. When questioned about a doctor, the housekeeper told Charlotte that Georgiana didn’t like or trust the English doctor in town. Georgiana prefered a midwife who lived in a village some 5 or 6 miles away. Charlotte sighed. She needed to stay calm and figure out a plan.

Taking a cool compress to Georgiana, Charlotte attempted to figure out how to get the midwife to the estate. She’d have to go. The stable boy was too young. Neither Crockett nor Georgiana much cared for that plan. They needed Charlotte’s unruffled presence to keep them all calm. She had been sitting with Georgiana, cooling her forehead and rubbing her back, when the housekeeper knocked at the door. “Milady, Missus Georgiana or Missus Philips. There is a gentleman caller below asking for ye. Name of Mr. Sidney Parker? He be awaiting in the front parlor.”  
Georgiana complained irritably that she’d rather it be someone more useful. “Hush, Georgiana. This may be just what we need. I’ll see Mr. Parker at once. Just relax here. You’re doing great.” Charlotte slipped out of the room and hurried into the sitting room where the housekeeper had left the guest. Sidney was standing at the front window, staring out at the dripping rain of the early afternoon.  
“Mr. Parker. What a surprise - I’m sorry you’ve been waiting. We weren’t expecting you. Things are in a bit of a tumult here.” Charlotte brightly greeted him, offering an honest smile. As he turned Charlotte noticed a few things; Sidney’s hair was damp and curling, the way it had looked when he’d just been swimming, then she noticed he was, overall, quite damp, and finally she caught a nervous smile and an anxious look in his eye.  
“I’m sorry to barge in unannounced like this, with the weather a mess, and all, but I knew you were here and Arthur told me I should just come visit anyway, because I wanted to see you and . . .what is it? What did you say? A tumult? Is everything ok?”  
Charlotte crossed the room quickly to reassure him. She put her hand on his arm. “You are soaked Mr. Parker! Let me see about getting you some tea or something warm,” she turned to call for the housekeeper, but Sidney pulled her back.  
“I’m a little damp - it’s wet out - I rode in the rain, to see you,” his eyes searched her face. He coughed, and continued, “ Ahem but that is of no matter. What is amiss?” Sidney watched Charlotte bite her lip as she regarded him, trying to decide how much to tell him.  
“Mr. Parker, I’m so sorry, it’s wonderful that you’ve come, and I am pleased to see you, but, you see, Georgiana is not well, and - “ Just then Charlotte realized the solution to her problem was right in front of her. “Mr. Parker, it seems it is Georgiana’s time. Her baby is on the way. And you see, we find ourselves a bit short staffed at the moment. I wonder if I might ask you the grandest of services? I know you’ve just ridden a great long way -from London I assume? - but I need to ask you to ride out again for the midwife? I know I’m asking a lot, but - ” Sidney stopped her and took her hand.  
“Charlotte - Mrs. Philips - of course, of course. Whatever you need. Please, let me go, let me be of service.” Charlotte squeezed his hand warmly in return.  
“That is wonderful. Thank you thank you.” Charlotte could see the path forward then. “Mr. Parker, you need to ride to Carmichel Town - it’s the first village on the road north out of town. There is a woman named Muriel who can be found at the pharmacist’s shop. She is the midwife - she must come as soon as possible. I don’t know how to get her here - cart, or carriage, or . . .” Sidney was already turning to go.  
“I can work that out. No need for you to worry. I’ll be back as soon as possible” She followed him out to the hall, calling for the housekeeper to locate his overcoat and hat. She nodded and rubbed her arms as things went into motion. A call from Crockett drew both their attention upstairs.  
“The missus needs you.” Charlotte looked at Sidney He nodded to Charlotte with determination.  
“Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.”  
In the hours while Sidney rode out for the midwife, Charlotte helped keep Georgiana calm and steady. She directed the housekeeper to pull together a light tea for when the midwife returned with Sidney. She also tasked the housekeeper with getting a room ready for Mr. Parker. She had to assume he’d have to spend the night. It would be sheer folly for him to return to London. Thank goodness he had come.  
The light had nearly gone from the sky when the housekeeper brought the midwife to Georgiana’s room. The midwife checked the young patient and smiled. “You’ve made good progress,” she praised Georgiana, “but we still have work to do here. The baby is taking time.” Feeling confident that she could leave Georgiana in the capable hands of the midwife, Charlotte slipped downstairs to find Mr. Parker.  
He was sitting in the study in the twilight. The housekeeper had managed to provide him with some hot tea and a light meal. He stood hastily as Charlotte entered. He was mud splattered and looked tired, but offered her a game smile. “Georgiana is well? The baby?”  
She nodded and smiled and sat across from him. She helped herself to the tea. “I’ve quite forgotten to eat, with all the excitement. Yes, Georgiana is as well as can be expected. It is hard work. The baby is taking some time . . .it may be a while yet. But the midwife is hopeful.” Charlotte set her tea cup down. “Thank you. You’ve saved the day.”  
“I’m glad I could be of service. I wonder, though, where is Mr. Monatague? He is not with Georgiana? Or his manservant?”  
Charlotte blanched. “Oh dear. Oh my. I must send him a message . . .I was so worried about Georgiana, it must have slipped my mind.” She looked up at Sidney. “He’s away. He took his manservant with him. They’ll be back tomorrow. He said to send a message to him through Kyle. Kyle who works at the village inn . . .” Her voice trailed off as Sidney was already getting to his feet.  
“I’ll go right away. You write the note, I’ll take it to him.” He set about collecting his things.  
“Mr. Parker. Sidney.” The weight of hearing his first name from her lips made him turn and face her. “ Honestly, I can’t ask you to do this.” Charlotte stood, “It’s too much.”  
“Nonsense.” He shrugged into his coat. He walked to Charlotte, took her hand, and kissed it. “Anything. For you. You write the note and get back to Georgiana.” He nodded at her confidently. And so, for the second time that evening Sidney Parker rode out into the night and Charlotte headed upstairs to help her friend.

It was some hours later when Charlotte slipped into the study where she could see candles still lit. Sidney was asleep in a chair, his brandy forgotten in his hand. No vest, cravat undone. He was exhausted. His hair had dried curlier than usual from the rainy ride, and he had mud on his forehead. She smiled. He looked younger when asleep. She was glad he’d persisted and put himself back in her life. Though she still had tiny doubts, she recognized that was her own insecurity. She still wondered if he was too drawn to London life and society. She decided at this moment that didn’t matter. She gently eased the brandy out of his hand and placed her hand on his knee to gently wake him, “Sidney. Sidney? Can you come with me?” 

He started and wiped one hand quickly over his face while bracing himself forward with the other. “What? Is everything OK?” Charlotte smiled and slid her hand up his leg to take his hand. “Mr. Parker? Everything is fine. You were asleep - and rightly so. It’s late. Past midnight. But there’s someone I want you to meet.” She moved to pull away and lead him, but he held onto her hand. Over the past few months when they’d been together, there had been a casual hand lifting her into a carriage, a gentle hand on her back, they’d danced, he’d kissed her hand. And now he was grasping her hand. She still wasn’t used to the warm physical reality of him whenever they were together. She couldn’t deny the physical frisson each time they touched. She pushed it out of her mind - later, she’d think about it later. 

She led him through the darkened house to Georgiana’s room. The candles were still burning, allowing warm light to fall across the tired but happy face of Georgiana sitting up in the bed. The midwife turned to them with a swaddled bundle. Charlotte dropped Sidney’s hand to take the baby. Sidney slid his arm across Charlotte's back to look over her shoulder at the sleeping face of the newborn. “Mr. Parker. I’d like you to meet Miss Celeste Montague.” Sidney had never seen a newborn before and was surprised to feel the tears spark behind his eyes.  
“Celeste? A little girl? She’s so tiny. She’s so red. . .” His voice was filled with tender wonder.  
Georgiana laughed tiredly from the bed, “Really Sidney, criticism already?” Understanding full well he didn’t mean harm.  
“God, no, Georgiana, she’s beautiful. I’m . . .” he couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat.  
“Here.” Charlotte twisted away from the comfort of his arm at her back to present the baby to him. “Why don’t you hold her?”  
Sidney looked up frightened at Charlotte then at Georgiana and the midwife, but he instinctively held out his arms. They all collectively smiled at him as he so gently took the baby from Charlotte’s arms. Charlotte stood next to him with her arm on his, helping him feel steady.  
“Who’d have ever thought big bad unfeeeling Sidney Parker would ever be holding my baby and, wait, be crying?” Georgiana sighed happily.  
Sidney held the baby in wonder for a moment longer, before he leaned forward and placed the baby back next to Georgiana in her bed. “Congratulations doesn’t begin, does it?” He sighed and stood looking at mother and child. He quickly wiped his hand across his eyes with an embarrassed laugh. “Congratulations anyway. She’s quite something.”

Charlotte smiled at him and Georgiana. “Cmon Mr. Parker. Let’s let them settle for a bit. It’s too late and Georgiana is exhausted. We all are. You’ll see the baby in the morning. Georgiana, can you manage for a bit? I’ll be back shortly.” Charlotte headed out of the room and Sidney nodded goodnight and followed.

The hall was dark, lit only by their candles and some moonlight coming through windows. By unspoken understanding, Charlotte and Sidney headed towards the rooms that had been prepared for Sidney in the confusion of the afternoon.  
At his door he turned to Charlotte. “Goodnight.”  
Charlotte nodded and smiled and turned to leave him. Then she stopped. “Ah. Mr. Parker?” He paused in the door of his room, the candlelight hiding his eyes. “Mr. Parker I wanted to say, that ah, you surprised me today. You made a good account of yourself. I wouldn’t have expected you to be so, well, competent.” Her smile went wider with each word as she watched his expression change as he too drew on memories of an easier time.  
Sidney actually huffed a laugh. “Because I am a man? Because you have dismissed me as . . .frivolous? God is that what I said to you? What a cad I was.” He shook his head and smiled down at her.  
“Well then” she whispered as she moved towards him.  
“Well then” he responded quietly as he looked down at her, took a deep breath, and then kissed her. Ever so gently, like a question. One hand was holding his candle, the other on the door of his room  
Charlotte had been musing over the physicality of him for too long. What would it be like to kiss him again? To truly touch him? When they’d kissed in Sanditon she hadn’t known where such an act could lead. Now her awareness was on him and where this could go. Where she realized she wanted it to go.  
She responded to his kiss more fully and put her other hand on his chest and gently pushed him into his room.  
They didn’t break the kiss, Sidney somehow got the door closed, and they stumbled together into the room.  
When the door shut they stepped apart. Sidney set his candle down carefully on a table next to the bed, not taking his eyes off her. He was watching her intently, barely breathing. Charlotte followed him and put her candle next to his. She looked up at him and didn’t have to wait or think or decide. Sidney pulled her towards him and kissed her with hunger and urgency. This was no chaste questioning embrace; teeth met teeth, mouths were opened and Sidney’s hands were tangled in her hair. Charlotte pushed Sidney back onto the bed. Her hands pulled his shirt from the waistband of his trousers and slid onto his skin. He immediately went to the laces at the front of her dress. There were no words, just movements and touches that had been too long denied. When Sidney went to kick off his boots, they broke apart breathing hard . . .”Charlotte, what are we doing . . . ” he could barely speak around her struggling out of her dress as he kicked at his boots . She was in her light shift, he was shirtless. Desire was magnetic between them. She pulled him back towards her.  
“Ssshhh Sidney, no one is awake. We’ve both been married. . .Come on.” She smiled at him. “It's just a question of compatibility . . .”  
“Good point” he laughed against her mouth as he fell back onto the bed with her.

It was some time later when Sidney laid his head down, and whispered against her bare skin, her shoulder under his lips, “Charlotte what is this? God, I told you before that I love you, but now, I . ..Do you . ..” Her fingers were tracing light circles on his bare back as she shifted slightly under him to look into his face. They’d been lying together in silence, gathering their breath. He gently reached up to push away the errant curls that were falling across her eyes. He gave her a tiny smile. “Charlotte, I can’t even make a sentence, my head is spinning. Say something, please.”  
She turned her body so they were lying face to face on his pillows. She shyly returned his smile. “I almost called you Mr. Parker. Let me start again. Sidney. What do you want me to say? What is there to say?”  
He shifted to his back. He couldn’t look at her. “Say that you’ll marry me. Say that you love me. Charlotte, God, I’ve never been so happy in my life. You’re in my bed with me for chrissakes. I want to laugh, but . . .Is this real? Am I in a dream?” He turned to face her again. “but I’m also miserable that I’m going to wake up and you’re going to be gone. I'm lost.”  
Charlotte reached up and touched his face. She traced his eyebrows, his cheekbones, and down to his lips with her finger. “Oh Sidney Parker. You must know by now that I do love you. So much. But I’m scared, too. I’m scared you’re going to leave me - there will be a reason that we, that this, can’t be. You’ve been everywhere and could go anywhere. I’m scared I’m not enough to keep you here. To make here where you choose to be.” Tears started to roll down Charlotte’s face. “ You once told me I wasn’t too anything - but now I’m afraid I’m not enough anything.”  
Sidney kissed her and wiped away her tears and pulled her closer. “ Too anything? Not enough? Charlotte, you are EVERYTHING to me. I love you. I would do anything for you. Just say yes you’ll marry me. I’ll live with you right here in Georgiana’s house. I’ll live with you wherever you want. I don’t want to go anywhere where you’re not. God, after what we just did, I don’t even want to let you out of my sight. I want to live in this bed. Here with you is where I want to be.“ Sidney smiled as he watched her blush. “ I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather be here. WIth you. Charlotte say yes. Please.”  
She reached over smiling into his eyes and pulled him towards her with a playful nipping kiss.  
“Was that another proposal?” She teasingly asked. “Better than the one at the dance, I must say, but less conventional. Well. And I guess you were on your knees earlier . . .” She yelped as Sidney actually growled and then shifted quickly so that she was tucked under his body. He chuckled, trailing kisses down her neck and towards her collarbones, pushing her hands out onto the mattress.  
He looked up at her from her breasts and grinned “I’m going to ask again in a few minutes, from my knees, and I’m going to make you say yes - or howl, or gasp, or whisper, or shout - and I don’t care if anyone else in this house hears. Charlotte you are going to say yes.”

It was still dark outside when Charlotte slipped out of his bed and pulled her clothes together. She splashed water on her face and made sure she looked presentable. She planted a light kiss on Sidney’s forehead - he was sleeping soundly - and tiptoed out of the room.  
The sky was not yet beginning to go grey as she quietly entered Georgiana’s room. The baby was asleep next to her mother. The midwife was asleep in a chair nearby. Charlotte took up a chair at the foot of the bed. For all anyone knew, she’d been there all night. She smiled to herself and thought about the past few hours. She recognized she didn’t need a husband, but having Sidney in her bed every night was definitely something she wanted. Nothing was settled between them, but certainly some things were resolved. They loved each other, and that was enough for now. When the skies lightened, she’d leave early for XXX and for whatever came next.

It couldn’t have been more than an hour later when the midwife shook her awake. Charlotte went in search of Crockett and the housekeeper to ensure all was in order. The midwife would stay the rest of the day until Georgiana’s husband arrived. She gave directions to the tiny household staff, “Mr. Parker will most likely stay for another day. He’ll want to see Mr. Montague. If you need anything, I’m sure Mr. Parker will help. I need to get back to my family. Thank you for everything. I’m leaving Georgiana in good hands.”  
She returned to Georgiana and found her waking up. She kissed her friend goodbye and promised to see her soon. She kissed the baby , and left the room with a sigh.

While the stable boy went for the carriage, she stepped into the study to leave a note for Sidney. She smiled when she saw his brandy was still on the side table where he’d left it. She had butterflies as she remembered other details from last night. She placed the note on the tray by the door, and headed home, expecting she’d see Mr. Sidney Parker before the week was out.

Mr. Sidney Parker woke the next morning and his first thought was one of panic. Charlotte. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t focus on which was his greater concern: that she wasn’t there with him in bed because he loved her and wanted her right next to him every morning, damn the consequences. Or that she wasn’t there and he hoped she’d protected her reputation after their night together and she was already somewhere far away. . .Sidney dressed quickly and joined the household for the day. Had she left? Where was Charlotte? As he walked across the central hall, he was relieved to see a card with his name on the entry tray.  
“My Dear Mr. Parker. In case you awake this morning in a state of confusion, I wanted to assure you that the remarkable events of yester eve were, in fact, quite real and you had not dreamed them . . .yes, Georgiana did have a baby.” Sidney inadvertently barked out a laugh. What cheek! “After you have greeted the proud new father when he returns, I hope you will, with some haste, join me in XXX so that we can further discuss this special event and any repercussions thereof. Yours, C” Not for the first time, Sidney Parker realized that he was seriously in trouble with Mrs. Charlotte Philips. She was beautiful, smart, caring, and possessed of a wicked sense of humour. And after the said events of yester eve, as she’d put it, it was the happiest trouble he’d ever been in.

By the time he wrapped up his stay with the Montagues, and returned to London, it was almost a week before he was able to make the journey to XXX for his substantial conversation with Mrs. Philips. 

Sidney arrived feeling a bit nervous, clutching yet another bouquet of flowers. It was late afternoon, light was fading, but the weather was clear, if a bit gusty and cool. Mrs. Brook showed him out to the garden. He stood in the open door, taking in the scene before announcing himself. Charlotte was in the garden with Caleb, Nate, and little Robin. Caleb was bowling cricket to Nate, while Robby and Nellie were running after the errant balls. Charlotte was acting as both coach and umpire. She was magnificent with her hair down for once, and blowing all over her face in the wind. The cool gusts had brought color into her cheeks and she was laughing with the barking of the dog and the shouting of the boys. Jackets had been abandoned despite the chill and the approach of evening. Everyone was obviously quite committed to the match and no-one noticed the new arrival, not even Nellie who was focused keenly on the ball in little Rob’s hand. Nate finally swung the cricket bat at Caleb’s toss and solidly connected with the ball, sending it in Sidney’s direction. When the motley crew of cricketers saw the new arrival, there was a happy mayhem of greetings and tousled hair for the boys, and pats for Nellie, and even a quick peck on the cheek for the blushing and suddenly shy Mrs.Philips as she accepted the flowers from a bemused Sidney with a grin and a raised eyebrow.  
“Right, boys, now. I see you’ve all had a go at bat. Let’s see what Missus Charlotte can make of it, shall we?” Sidney cheerfully joined the game, and the boys cheered for Charlotte as she gamely took the bat and headed to the wickets. “Ok - team meeting. Robby, Nate, Caleb,” Sidney gestured to Nate to be sure he was included and the little foursome made a huddle. “Lads, I’ve got a question for you all, but it’s not about cricket. We’ll get to the game in a second.” Sidney pulled a little box from his jacket pocket and opened it to show the boys a beautiful pink pearl ring. “I want to ask Missus Charlotte to marry me and I want to be sure that’s ok with you boys.”  
Right away the boys had to cheer and exclaim about the ring. “Sssshhh,”interjected Caleb. “She can hear us!” He looked seriously at Nate and at little Rob. Nate nodded gravely at Caleb. “Robby? Do you like the ring? It’s pretty right? Your momma will like it too, won’t she?”  
Little Robin chirped “Pitty. Momma,” and nodded and smiled at the “big boys.”  
“Mr. Parker.” Caleb handed him the cricket ball and gave him the biggest grin a nine year old boy could muster. “You be the bowler.”  
Charlotte laughed at them as they broke their huddle, “What strategy is this? I’d best focus.” She smiled at Sidney as he walked toward her. “I know what I’m doing, Mr. Parker. Stop there, I’m concentrating. You’re putting me off!” Sidney stopped a pace away from her. He waited a heart beat, just watching Charlotte settle the bat in front of herself, still smiling confusedly at him, the wind pulling at her hair, her brown eyes shining in laughter.  
Sidney raised his eyebrows at her. “All right,” but before continuing he said in a softer voice, “This time, my dear Charlotte, really counts, because we have an audience. I’m holding you to this one.” And with that Sidney Parker went down on his knee in front of Charlotte and looked up into her open-mouthed shocked stare. “Charlotte Philips. I love you heart and soul. Caleb, and Robby, and even Nate have given me their solemn permission to ask for your hand. Will you marry me?” He held up the pearl ring to her with a grin on his face, “Please?”  
“Oh my goodness yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Stand up, stand up!” Charlotte was laughing and crying at the same time at the funny spectacle of Sidney Parker holding a ring and a cricket ball and pledging his future to her. She tossed away the cricket bat and pulled him to his feet. She put her hands on both sides of his face and kissed him most soundly. “I love you Sidney Parker.”  
The boys and the dog came running over as Sidney kissed her back, then pulled away to try the ring on her finger. There were hugs and kisses all around, Robby wanted “up up” into anyone’s arms (Sidney pulled him up first), and Caleb and Nate tried to calm down Nellie who wanted to bark out in all the excitement.  
Mrs. Brook came out to see what the commotion was about, with Captain Heywood on her heels, as he’d arrived to collect Nate, and all the good news and happiness for the future was shared again.  
Captain Heywood clapped his hands in joy, and congratulated the happy couple, immediately taking charge of the chaos as was his wont. “I declare Mr. Parker, well done. Charlotte I’ve never seen you look so happy and lovely. Let’s not wait a second longer - off to Heywood House for dinner to tell your aunt the news and to plan this event. The week after Christmas should suit - family will be about and -” Captain Heywood rallied the group out of the garden and into jackets and hats and out of the chill of the evening.  
Sidney grabbed Charlotte’s hand and held her back for one moment before following the commotion into the house. “Charlotte, I wanted to say . .”  
“Ssshh. Sidney.” Charlotte silenced him with a gentle lingering kiss. “You have made me the happiest woman on earth today. I love you. That is all.” And with a decisive nod, she linked her arm into his, and they followed their family into the waiting warmth of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have a ch. 9/epilogue in the works, so stay tuned. It may take a day or two or three.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Crowe has his opinions but Lady Denham has the last word . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short (and sweet), this final little bit of wrap up.

Epilogue

Sidney Parker sat back with a satisfied sigh. He was in a reflective mood. The warm early autumn sun, the slight sea breeze, his comfortable seat, all contributed to a general sense of contentment. A little over a year ago, he had been in a similar place, he realized. Rather than sitting in the garden where he found himself at present, he had been inside the house looking outwards at this very garden. Both of which, garden and house, he now claimed happily as his own home. A year ago, his good friend Mr. Crowe had been in a chair nearby, sleeping off the effects of an overly indulgent evening. And, today, his friend was again nearby - laying on a blanket under the tented pavilion, not asleep, nor hungover, but gazing adoringly at Sidney’s daughter who was tucked protectively under his arm. Miss Mary Parker had been born a mere five days prior. Upon being introduced to his goddaughter, Mr. Crowe had immediately perceived the possible challenge of having a second Mary Parker in their lives, and decided she should be known forthwith as Meg Parker and would brook no argument to the contrary. LIttle miss Meg Parker’s twin sister, Susan, was in a cradle next to her overly proud papa, who was, indeed quite content with the results of the events of the prior year. 

A little over a year ago, Sidney Parker had been re-acquainted with the love of his life, now Mrs. Charlotte Parker, at a shooting event; the same event as he and Mr. Crowe had just attended. This had been the year Crowe had hoped to finally emerge victorious in claiming the most birds brought down in a morning; victory, however, was precluded by their celebration of the birth of Sidney’s twin daughters. Mr. Crowe loved to win, but he also loved to drink, and drinking to honor the offspring of, arguably, the two people he loved the most in the world . . .well, there was no contest. Mr. Parker and Mr. Crowe had to, yet again, concede defeat at the shooting event.

The shooting contest might not make the list of the top events of Sidney’s past year, he reflected, but it did have happy memories associated with it. Indeed he was imagining happy associations in the future, too, as Mr. Crowe was already counting on his goddaughters to help him claim victory in some twelve years, he estimated. With the caveat that their mother would not be shooting. Yes, Mr. Crowe was counting on Little Meg and Susan to become ace shots and cracking cricketers. He was going to spoil them rotten, Sidney mused, but then again, that’s what Charlotte had been counting on. 

Charlotte. His world had been remade multiple times in the past year, each time for the better. He had once told Charlotte he was his best self with her, but really he was his best self because of her. She was the reason he was here in this garden, at this house, with these beautiful babies. Charlotte Parker made him, simultaneously, both content with the world, and ready to change it for the better.

And, currently, change for the better might involve a renovation to this beloved home overlooking the sea. With Caleb, now their legal ward, and little Robin, his step-son, and the additions of little Susan and Meg, the house might start feeling a bit small, he mused. He wondered if James Stringer would take on such a small project away from his major works at Sanditon. Sidney had been surprised to see the young architect at the wedding this past December. He was one of the guests that Sidney had been amazed had made the winter journey to the little coast town of XXX. Sidney knew it was Charlotte’s talent for making and maintaining meaningful connections with people that drew the guests. Sidney Parker himself was still too reserved to do that often, but he was learning. 

The wedding had been far from elaborate, but well-attended nonetheless, especially considering the short engagement and time of year. Perhaps it was because of the short engagement; Sidney wondered if some of the guests had been drawn by gossip. Upon further reflection, he realized everyone present had been there as well-wishers, and everyone expressed their joy that Charlotte and Sidney had found each other again.

Sidney recalled no-one from the actual ceremony. The guests had been immaterial. He had had eyes only for Charlotte as she had made her way down the aisle towards him. Charlotte had been stunning in a rose pink gown, her hair pulled up, with of course one or two of those irrepressible curls of hers framing her face. Her eyes and lips had smiled the entire day, her charming dimples on full display. He had never been prouder as they opened the church doors after the ceremony to greet their guests. Sidney was holding Charlotte’s hand, his other arm around Caleb’s shoulders, and she holding Robby’s hand on the other side. . .Crowe had been there, of course, as well as Captain Heywood, Charlotte’s aunt and Nate. Not all of Charlotte’s family had come (there were so many), but Sidney had met them all since. From London, Lady Worcster had made a special trip. Lord and Lady Babington had made the journey, bringing along Lady Denham, of all people. Georgiana and Bastien had been all smiles with little Celeste. Mary and Tom and all four children had come. Arthur and Diana were there, of course, the pure embodiment of enthusiasm. Sidney had felt truly blessed and filled with gratitude. And now . . .

And now, he looked about himself again. He had felt proud then, but this simple day was just as grand. Sidney Parker was happy. Charlotte had just come out of the house, moving slowly towards him with Robby trudging along beside her. She had her hair pulled back into an unruly braid, still a little tan from the summer months, and looking stronger every day since the births. And yet even more beautiful, he smiled to himself. Nellie trotted over to the tented pavilion to check on Crowe and Little Meg, and nosed Susan’s cradle. Charlotte joined Sidney with a kiss on his forehead as she took the seat next to him. “You look pensive Mr. Parker. A penny for your thoughts?”

Robby climbed into his lap and Sidney smiled over at her. “I was thinking about our wedding day, actually. I was thinking about something that Lady D said.”  
Charlotte gave Sidney a puzzled look, her brow wrinkled in adorable confusion. “That is a strange place for your thoughts to be. And what did the redoubtable Lady D say that makes you so thoughtful?”   
Sidney took her hand and kissed it. “I was surprised to see her at the wedding. And I’d tried to avoid her, because I was sure she’d have something sharp and critical to say. But instead, when she caught up to me, she congratulated me. And then she thanked me. She said she’d become a romantic in her later years and she’d wanted to see true love win - ‘what do you say to that, Parker? Can you imagine?’ She wanted our story, yours and mine, to have a better ending than what she had seen in Sanditon. ‘It wasn’t to be borne!’ Then, Lo and behold, she said, finally, you did it. A happy ever after.” Sidney smiled at Charlotte. “And that’s what I’m thinking about. . .that’s exactly what we got. Everyday is our happy ever after.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and enthusiasm. I've had fun trying to find my way to a suitable closure for these characters. I'm not sure if Jane Austen or even Andrew Davies would approve, but I guess I didn't really write this for them. Thanks for reading.  
> Cheers.


End file.
